Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Pele to blow up Kilauea over political concerns

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edit UnNews:Pele to blow up Kilauea over political concerns

Please have a look at my latest UnNews article. I'm proud of the previous one I did, but I'm not so sure about this one yet. --Qzekrom sig trans Sir CuteRayquazaOnTheRadio [CUNPBJ'12PLS(0)] 18:45, June 11, 2012 (UTC)

Like a boss. May I suggest that we steal more ideas from Wikipedia? GiratinaOriginForme |Si Plebius Dato' (Sir) Joe ang Man on Fire CUN|IC Kill 800px-Flag of the Philippines svg | 06:32, July 27, 2012 (UTC)
Humour: 3.6 Seeing as your first article was great, and established you as a rising star in Uncyclopedia, I am very disappointed that your second UnNews article was unfunny. I would like to point you out a few reasons, and trust me; I know that you can do a better job as I actually put my trust in you becoming a better writer. In fact, you are funnier than me, but this UnNews piece makes my article look funny in comparison. But Qzekrom, there are ways in which you can make it way more funnier. I'll write you down a list:
  1. Research heavily on what you want to make comedy based in.
  2. Have a good read of HTBFANJS and the Beginner's Guide.
  3. Think outside the box! Very important when making jokes.

So, this is practically what I just wanted from you. I think that this UnNews report is, although made up, is sadly pure nonsense. I weep because of that, and because I had written a lot of unfunny nonsense all my life.

Concept: 4.7 The concept of an erupting volcano is OK, as well as a disaster concept for your report, but really, I believe that we can improve this article in some way or another. I mean, the way you execute the concept is really akin to a rocket ship made of wood and metal (badly, constructed in China), then strapped with three dozen unguided rockets, and asking the pilot to jump 10 miles above from the rocket in which explosion is imminent. I believe that there are ways to make sure the process of constructing a rocket ship is slow, well-built, and will rarely explode. That rocket is your article. I don’t even know where the concept is either.
Prose and formatting: 7.1 The formatting was good. However, there is a red link. Don’t worry about that one red link; I only worry when there is a metric shit-tonne of red links covering the page unless it is a self-demonstrating article (and self-demonstrating articles are very funny, in which I will give exception). In fact, you are very good at formatting and you know which ones are for which, as well as the templates. The prose on the other hand, although written in the style of an UnNews article, is really shocking for your second try. The first one is really ridiculously funny, and I smiled a few times. But the second is far from hope. Qzekrom, I suggest that your prose needs to be funnier than what is recognised right now.
Images: 5 One image only, and it is the only thing that I think is worthy to belong to Chan’guracom’s new image repository system (published by Uncyclomedia Foundation). So, my suggestion is that keep the image; but have a funny one liner in it. I believe that you do not have one in this possession that you call your UnNews report.
Miscellaneous: 5.1 Average score calculation in progress. I see what you did there.
Final Score: 25.5 Well, you are a rising star indeed. But don’t lose heart just because this UnNews report is crap. I think that you can do better, especially when you won a featured article. I think that you can make an awesome Pokemon article. I’m going to do what I do best: making Photoshopped images.
Reviewer: GiratinaOriginForme |Si Plebius Dato' (Sir) Joe ang Man on Fire CUN|IC Kill 800px-Flag of the Philippines svg | 06:38, July 27, 2012 (UTC)
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