Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:New species discovered in Mexico

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edit UnNews:New species discovered in Mexico

Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 01:31, March 13, 2010 (UTC)

Nobody done this yet? I'll do it. 10 hours or less.--Grue JammyDirectorEye 4WILLExplode 3YOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 02:36, March 16, 2010 (UTC)
I like to write a lot of things, I’m pretty good at Pee Reviews, and the only award I had even gotten was a Author of the Month Award. Also I like Avenged Sevenfold, Modern Warfare 2, Halo 3, and brunettes and emo girls.
Concept: 8 The concept is absolutely brilliant, but there are a few problems. First, you kind of explain some things too short, which could be better if better explained. Second you leave out some things that can be use and expand your article. Although size doesn’t matter, the longer an article is, the funnier it could be, and better explained things will also help out. I will get into in-depth of these problems in the Humor section.
Prose and Formatting: 7 the main problem here isn’t spelling or prose, but how you say stuff and formatting the words. I’ll show you what should be fixed up:
  • chupacabra eradication program: the words should be capitalized
  • Presidente Vicente Fox- Pesidente should just be President
  • and of children who had gone missing: be better if worded as ’’children who have mysteriously disappeared’’
  • from the blackness: better go with darkness instead, would sound a whole lot better.
  • This little bugger: I highly doubt a German would say something British, so it would be wise to change the word to something else.
  • fellow bloodsucker, the marine chupacabra perhaps taking the place of the rattlesnake on the national flag: Better if it was worded like this ‘’fellow bloodsucker, the marine chupacabra. Some members of the party think it should take the place of the rattlesnake on the national flag because of its veracious look and behavior ’’ and you can possibly add something like this ‘’would strike fear in any American who likes to joke around about Mexicans, and stop with all those damn Mexican jokes’’

There could be more wording errors in here, but it would be better if you had someone from proofread check the article out for you.

Humo(u)r: 7 I thought this article was amazingly good. An UnNews that tells about a creature tampered by man and transformed into something terrifying is what this website needs. However, as a rule of Pee Review, I have to be in-depth and state out what could be improved. Even though there are no serious problems with the article, I have found some things that you can improve on here.

On the first paragraph, you make it seem like the chupacabra is only a bedtime story in the first sentence, yet you all of a sudden you said they were eradicated in the second sentence. That might lead to a bit of confusion. I suggest you said something like, ‘’It had been real at one point in history, and been founded in nearly all of Mexico.’’ This will help make the section make more sense and less confusing. Also, you should include how they were eradicated. Did they use poison? Did they remove their primary food? Did they use traps? The reader would like to know what they use to get rid of the creature.

In the third paragraph, it says that the creature was founded in the back yard of a doctor named Salvia Cantánquera. You didn’t mentioned what was the whole point of the doctor. What happened to him. Did he heard a strange noise and alerted the town’s people of the creature’s presents. Did he found the thing and attempted to hide it from being discovered and destroyed? Did the creature murder the doctor? You probably need to explain the point of the doctor because if there isn’t one it just make the doctor thing look so random.

Also, did the creature the people found attack anybody? Was there any survivors? Even though this is optional, I just thought this would be a good idea.

In the last paragraph, explain more about the creation of the marine chupacabra. When was it made? How did the scientist tampered with the DNA. What was the purpose of creating such a monster? Was it legal or illegal? Also give information about its abilities, hunting techniques, weapons (claws, teeth, tentacles, etc.) and what can and can’t kill it. You should also include that the creature has regeneration abilities thanks to the starfish DNA it has in it, and starfish has regeneration powers in real life. For the part about eradicating the creature, you should include how the plan they use could backfire, as red tide algae is bad for people who eat oysters and causes severe sickness, and we all know how bad radiation can be. And the last sentence, you should explain why they want to preserve the creature, and state the criticism people feel about exterminating the creature as well as preserving it. And finally, give the reason why the flag should be replace with the creature.

Random: Add goats because chupacabras love to eat goats

Ok, so that wasn’t a few, but hey, at least I’d helped you out.

Images: 10 The image looked freaky, yet I liked it. Perhaps you can show an image of carcasses of animals to show how dangerous the marine chupacabra is. Even though having a simple image is enough for an UnNews, two can help prove the point of what you’re saying. It makes the reader not only be astonished by the scary look of the brutally ferocious beast, but also astonished by what it can do to an unlucky victim.
Miscellaneous: 8 My overall grade of this article
Final Score: 40 The article is a very good read, not too many people who have ideas like this execute them in a good style. There are some things that should change as mentioned above, but I believe something like this should be on the front page, when you’re done with making corrections of course. If you have any questions and/or comments, just go to my talk page and I’ll be more than happy to answer. Good Luck! Cheers!
Reviewer: --Grue JammyDirectorEye 4WILLExplode 3YOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 04:52, March 16, 2010 (UTC)
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