Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:New movie sequel announced: Snakes on a Bus

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edit UnNews:New movie sequel announced: Snakes on a Bus

Well this really isn't good but I want this article to be VFH worthy. Currently there's no pictures, but I have made an UN:PIC request. --RandomDie 00:33, 8 November 2007 (UTC)

Humour: 6.6 Paragraphs avg'd.
  • P1 (7)

adequate introduction. Would've been good if there had been some kind of joke thrown in, but whatever.

  • P2 (9)

Funny, sir! I hope that you keep talking about the storyline.

  • P3 (6)

nearly adequate. The joke fell flat with me.

  • P4 (6)

nearly adequate. I stopped caring about the thing by this point. I don't care about the actors, I wanna know what happens!

  • P5 & Sources (5)

nah, get rid of them.

Concept: 6 I would restructure this and make it an UnScript. You know, tell us a story instead of telling us a story about a story. That would get you VFH. Keep on going about why the bus can't stop and why people can't get off of it.
Prose and formatting: 6 It's pretty short, sir. Here's literacy cat:
Literecy-cat
Images: 5 I gave you a 5 because you're trying to find pictures.
Miscellaneous: 5.9 avg'd
Final Score: 29.5 This was fairly quick, so my advice is limited. Mostly, I would stick with the Snakes on a Bus idea, scrap the rest, and then expand. THEN you would have VFH.
Reviewer:   Le Cejak <-> 13:51, 8 November 2007 (UTC)


Woah, beaten to it by Cajek! Edit conflict! Well since I've written my review anyway, here it is. --Sir Under User (Hi, How Are You?) VFH KUN 14:58, 8 November 2007 (UTC)

Humour: 4 Honestly dude, I didn't see too much fresh or funny here. There's a few gags, but some of them have been done before. See the next section for one big problem.
Concept: 4 A Snakes on A Plane sequel with snakes on a different form of transport. This has been mentioned before once or twice, including around here. OK, there aren't many articles on the subject, but I suspect a good few have been huffed. Have a look at the massive spin-offs list on the SoaP article. Basically, taking an obvious idea that's been done before means you have to work extra hard, or have a refreshingly new take on it to succeed. Sorry to say it, but I don't see that here yet.
Prose and formatting: 6 Fine enough, no spelling or grammar issues, but no real spark either. And it's kinda short.
Images: 10 Not applicable at present, so 10 per the rules. I saw your request.
Miscellaneous: 6 Average (to plagarise an idea from ol' Cajek).
Final Score: 30 Yeah, there could be mileage in this, but only if approached in the right way. You've really got to think about this one.
Reviewer: --Sir Under User (Hi, How Are You?) VFH KUN 14:58, 8 November 2007 (UTC)


OK, a few comments. This is quite an average UnNews - unfortunately, SoaP jokes are commonplace, and most of the Snakes on a "insert mode of transport here" ideas have been seen before. Not to mention the Sam Jackson saying "motherfucker" gratuitously.

To make it work, you need to really go for broke with the concept - come up with a different way of handling it that's not been seen before. Trouble is, that's not easy! If you're really set on making this featurable, you'll need to re-think it. How can you get comedy out of an old idea?

My honest advice, if you want to shoot for feature, is to try and do it with another idea. But if you want to work on this, keep in mind what you're up against. Maybe use the fact that so many sequels and spin-offs have been suggested as part of the concept? I don't know, I'm struggling for suggestions.

Final thought: this is only my opinion, others are available (see above!). Give me a shout on my talk page if you disagree or think I missed the point of the article and want me to take another look armed with extra knowledge. And good luck! --Sir Under User (Hi, How Are You?) VFH KUN 14:58, 8 November 2007 (UTC)

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