Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:New York Evicted from Ground 0

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edit UnNews:New York Evicted from Ground 0

Funnybony 18:04, February 4, 2010 (UTC) I've got this. 24-48 hours--Grue JammyDirectorEye 4WILLExplode 3YOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 20:52, February 6, 2010 (UTC)

Well, maybe twelve hours since this is alot shorter than expected--Grue JammyDirectorEye 4WILLExplode 3YOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 20:53, February 6, 2010 (UTC)
Humour: 6 Ok I see what your trying to do here, but I don’t think you’re doing it right. What I’m saying is that I think you went off topic, but just a little, as you didn’t really explained why it was evicted, or perhaps you have and I didn’t saw that part even though I read it. You explained how the defense force was taking action against the New Yorkers but never explained a reason why. Many readers want to know why it was evicted. Another problem is that the name of the new upcoming country should have a name, because Ground Zero doesn’t sound like a good country name, so put down something like ‘’Trumpland’’, or something like that. Also, the part that says ‘’unTMZ’’, that should be a name of a city, state and?or country, of course you can put earth or another planet if you like just to be silly. The part that says ‘’The Court Case will be delayed because the local court room is buried under all the WTC rubble’’ there’s no more rubble, that was eight years ago, so say something like, ‘’it got buried underrubble when a judge went to Haiti’’, although that’s kind of not good, but makes more sense.
Concept: 8 The concept is good, but the problems above keeps this score to an eight.
Prose and formatting: 7 A few mistakes; I’ll point them out
  • Boundries-needs to be boundaries
  • rubble,-there should be a ; behind rubble

Passer by- should combine the two, making it passerby. It’s the correct form I’ve used spell checker in MS to look for corrections. Not too bad, everybody makes mistakes. And the format of the image looks good

Images: 10 Not much to say about the image, except that it will do. Usually a UnNews would use only one image unless a second or third one is necessary.
Miscellaneous: 7 My overall score of this article
Final Score: 38 UnNews are kinda hard to work on when doing pee review, because they are usually short, but I did my best. Just work on it with the changes above and it will be fine. Good luck with any changes. Cheers!
Reviewer: --Grue JammyDirectorEye 4WILLExplode 3YOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 02:43, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
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