Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Moron sees Moon for first time
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|Humour:||8||Right… I bumped Concept up to the top because I think this is the most important part of this particular article. I will say, honestly, that the concept feels a bit… off. While I do understand the sheer mind numbing stupidity of the caller in question, this article is, first and foremost, merely a rewrite of the original article. While nothing is really wrong with rewrites, they tend to have a lack of humour as their main unifying factor. Instead of just having a transcript of a faked (rewritten) call, you could put something along the lines of “Police were called to the home of the Village Idiot to investigate the presence of a luminous flying object located above his home.” Regardless of this, I think you will be pleased to see the next score…|
|Concept:||5||I felt a bit lenient in this particular subject not as much due to the UnNews, but due to the actual article provided as the “source”. I am more than sure that you understand why it is funny to hear of a man mistaking the moon for a UFO, which is why your source had me rolling on the ground (figuratively, of course). The article itself was… not as interesting, but has huge amounts of potential.
I remember, in a review I did a long time ago, stating that an UnNews is the hardest article to write in a humourous fashion, a comment that I still stand beside. In an UnNews, unlike a mainspace page, you can’t just throw in randumb crap and pass it off, you have to make it feel real, a sense that wasn’t much conveyed. The “Idiot” in question seemed… just a bit too monumentally stupid (see prose). What I think you could do has already been mentioned, expand the article, make your own, look at HTBFANJS, and feel free to snip off whatever is not funny.
|Prose and formatting:||5||I feel that I have already gone over prose in Humour and Concept, which tends to happen whenever I do a review… but MEH. Here is what I believe could be added…
Point three is where I am going to get a bit deeper. Some parts sound iffy, an example being “Police finally understood that the UFO was nothing…” which is inconsitant with later, when you state that the officer “took a look at the object for a second” Contiuing on from the “took a look” sentence, “second and claimed to control, the mystery had been solved” The placement of the comma in that sentence feels way off, and the usage of the word “claimed” also seems a bit odd. At the moment, I would say this article is borderline Proofreading Service, and if you do rewrite this article, I would recommend a revision from said service.
|Images:||7||I honestly don’t really know what to blabber about in this particular section. You had one picture that was relevant to the article in discussion, so I honestly cannot say it was a bad picture. At the same time, I was, somehow expecting a bit… more. What I am thinking was modifying the picture to have a small, but still noticeable “smudge” on the bottom, resembling a UFO, combined with the change in caption “The moon, mistaken by some idiot to be a UFO. The little light underneath it does not exist.”|
|Miscellaneous:||6.25||Avg’d as per Pee Review guidelines|
|Final Score:||31.25||This article is definitely worth keeping, but regardless, could use a bit of improvement. The only thing that got this article into the lower 30’s was the “source”, but that can be fixed!
This article is definitely one worth keeping, and one that I did not have a problem reading and enjoying. Thank you for the good read over dinner. Have a great day!
|Reviewer:||Warm Regards, ▀ĴαVắśСąР▀03:00 July 5 2008|