Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Mobilized methane moves motors

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edit UnNews:Mobilized methane moves motors

Humour: 5 Quite humorous, especially in context of the real article that inspired it. But not super-funny, hence the five. The concept is good, but it lacks any moment-of-genius, laugh-out-loud one-liners (the closest you got to such a line is the remark that the cleanest car in the world is "stationary"). Concept is very important to humor, but ultimately what allows a good concept to become a great article are the one-liners and comments that jump out at you and stick in your head. ...I'm sorry, that wasn't much help, was it?
Concept: 7 As stated earlier, you have a good and original concept.
Prose and formatting: 4 Average writing quality. It has a ways to go.
(1)The prose often gets clunky. This is a (fake) news article, and news articles try to streamline what they're saying as much as possible. For example, one line from the article reads: "Now a company in Sweden has developed a novel and environmentally sustainable—if somewhat drastic—method of actually obtaining methane: boiling schoolboy intestines."

I suggest you do something like this (words in brackets mine): "Now a company in Sweden has developed a novel and [new] environmentally sustainable—if somewhat drastic—method of actually obtaining methane: boiling schoolboy[s'] intestines." Too many extra words can weigh down an UnNews article, interrupting the flow.

Another problem is your overuse of dashes. For example, one sentence reads "Having been "upgraded"—filtered through water and single malt whiskey to remove as much of the CO2 as possible—the resultant methane biogas is then used to fuel cars, taxis, rubbish trucks, aircraft and the 7-strong bus-fleet in Linkoping, the town where Svenska Biogas is based."

I suggest you do something like this: "Having been [Once] 'upgraded', or filtered through water and single-malt whiskey to remove as much of the CO2 as possible, the resultant methane biogas is then used to fuel cars, taxis, rubbish trucks, aircraft and the 7-strong bus-fleet seven-bus fleet in Linkoping, the town where Svenska Biogas is based headquartered."
(2) Try to follow the proper format for quotes. You don't need to use both quotation marks and italix. In fact, you should only use quotation marks. (I went ahead and fixed this problem for you.) Also, you don't need to start a new paragraph for every statement uttered by the interviewee. (I can follow your logic in this; I'm guessing you were trying to emulate how you'd seen quotes in other news articles written.) You only need to start a new paragraph if the next quote is by a different person. And since your only really interviewing one person, they should all be together. Also, as a general rule, quotes in the main body of a news text are written like this: "[insert quote here]," stated/said/claimed [insert person's name here], and that "[insert another quote here]."

You shouldn't follow this formula rigidly (that would kill your creativity), but I find it helpful.

Images: 5 Your images are certainly interesting (especially the crowded train and schoolboy Karl Rove ones!), but six is too many for an UnNews article. Think about it this way: how many images does a real news article have? One or two, maybe three tops. I recommend removing any "pictures for the sake of a picture" images, especially the pics of Schwarzenegger, the Honda motorbike, and the fat ballerina. If you remove all but one image, keep the crowded train.
Miscellaneous: 5 The title is a cutesy bit of alliteration. ^_^ (I'm just making an observation; that's neither a good or a bad thing!)

At the last minute you throw in a mention about male dancers that seems so unrelated, it feels like just an excuse to include the fat ballerina image. I recommend killing both that statement and its related picture.

Final Score: 26 Halfway there!

I apologize if this seems like a harsh grade. But my grading style is different, and, I daresay, more realistic. Unlike some people, who seem to rate using 10 as the "default" grade, and then knock points down from there, I start at 5 (for "average"), and add or subtract points from there. So it's harsh yet more accurate. --Hans Johnson as in "keep ya hans off my" (cover your eyes!) 22:58, 29 October 2007 (UTC)
Reviewer: --Hans Johnson as in "keep ya hans off my" (cover your eyes!) 22:45, 29 October 2007 (UTC)
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