Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:McCain selects Arthur Fonzarelli as running mate

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edit UnNews:McCain selects Arthur Fonzarelli as running mate

Smuggler here. Here's my latest article-lemme know what you think or just change it how you see fit? Thanks! Smuggler 00:26, 24 August 2008 (UTC)

Cheevers99
This article is under review by
Gerry Cheevers.

Sayeth Gerry: shotgun!!
Humour: 8 i like this article a lot, smuggler. it was one of those unnews articles where it had the potential to be super-lame, but i enjoyed it quite a bit. the idea of the crusty old white guy picking the coolest person ever - great! it's a shame that he's already picked someone else. i'll give you a good stuff / not-so-goos stuff compariosn, as i liek to do with review of unnews entries.
  • good: the obama quote was actually not annoying, i like his reaction (similar to what an eight year old girl might do when meeting the fonz). the repetition in the second paragraph was pretty good. the repetition in the third paragraph is also good, more on that later. he reads, haha. can fix things just by punchng them - knew you were going to use that joke, but still well done.
  • not-so-good: here are some things you might want to consider changing (or not, it's your article). obama being (D DUNNO) kind of falls flat. hillary's quote was kind of lame, i think she'd have a more official tone. i'm not aure what you meant by 'nuclear family'. instead of sayign alaska, i think a wisconsin joke would be appropriate. your repitition in fonzie's activities could be improved by using different phrases for 'made out with chicks', such as 'hooked up with broads' or 'scandalized young wenches'. the last paragrpah falls a little flat; these selections aren't made until the candidate wins the election i'm pretty sure. an alternate ending might see you explain why people think sarah palin is mccain's running mate, which would also serve the purpose of bringing the article up to date.
Concept: 8 i really like this concept. relevant parody of current events - a true unnews. you might think of mentioning a few more things: the fonz being jewish is a good example of what might be said of a real VP candidate.
Prose and formatting: 7 prose and formatting were okay. you win a free proofread!
Images: 6 the two fonz images were cool. the 'full of crap' image/template is totally unnecessary and you should probably axe it. pick one of the two end things: the source line or the 'original' template, becasue they contradict each other. i recommend the template, as the source is fake.
Miscellaneous: 7.3 average
Final Score: 36.3 my preview button tells me that your final score is 36.3. the more i think about it, the more i'm convinced that this might do decently on VFH. it's not a sure thing, but if you tweak it a bit and change the ending so it's not abundantly clear that you're ignoring sarah palin, i would certailny vote for. i suggest reading HTBFANJS, then reading this article, and thinking about implementing the changes i suggested or changes you might think of yourself. great job, and good luck!
Reviewer: SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 20:31, 12 September 2008 (UTC)
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