Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Man Harasses Woman at Drive-Thru
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- Aw, geez! Really sorry, man; something's just come up in, you know, real life, and now I can't do this. Sorry, man; I've really gotta stop making such light promises. BlueYonder - CONTACT
|Humour:||5||On the face of it, this is article that goes off in the right direction but is veered off by some rather rushed thinking. The struture of the article appears to be made of wood, and the splinters exposed due to the bad choice of material. The problems with the otherwise well-intentioned article, dampen the structure, most notably the characters who rot the foundations and damn near well cause the entire thing to fall to bits of 2 by 4 all over again.
The article feels quite exposed, and if the reader knows how you made the article, it's less funnier. The same reason why ultra-random articles are very often incredibly unfunny. I think the next few sections explain it better. As well as the suggestions.
The title "Man Harasses Woman at Drive-Thru", I think is promising. This article could definately work, but it is need of a rewrite.
|Concept:||5||A cauldron effect. It seems this concept comprises of different elements all picked up and thrown into a cauldon to be mixed and hopefully (yet blindly) result in a humourous article, but it does boast a jazzy title. What I mean by the latter analogy, is that you've conjured a topic for an article and then thought of the ingredients; it's going to be about a randy man who goes to a drive-thru and then harrasses the hot teenage window attendent before having sex with her. Hm. That's far to simple, and far from subtle. How about the randy man is some sexual deviant such as... Brian Peppers? Yeah that'd do it. And the hot 16 year old girl should be a hot anime character (because after all, which anime character ISN'T well endowed?), Sailor Jupiter from Sailor Moon should do the trick.
The choice of characters is... very stereotypical. It's as if you struggle to think of better examples. I would've thought it best to not use any well known characters and just make some up. It's a shame that the concept is spoilt this way, because the headline is otherwise promising. Being British, I did my research on (former-)Congressman, Mark Foley, and discovered the allegations in his life that make him somewhat appropiate for this position in this article as a jealous suitor. Although to be honest, if he swapped places with Brian Peppers as the "unidentified man", this article may had been a teeny bit better, although the inclusion of Peppers altogether would still be all the more random.
|Prose and formatting:||7||Certainly not catastrophic, but needs to be edited. The quotes are not italicised and there is a space the size of Andromeda in the middle of the article for no reason.
But apart from that, the prose is fine. It's nonetheless set up for a news article and is free of typo tyranny. However, it would look much more attractive as an UnNews article if the quotes are italicised. The space could use some sorting out, although it might be caused by the first image.
|Images:||7||Two images supplied, ample for an UnNews article (Considering one image is usually enough), although they are quite abstract. It's like a news article about a dull grey bridge, but they choose to hire an artist to paint a glamourous picture of a bridge with shades of pink, yellow and sparkly purple, instead of a more accurate photo. They are saved by superhero captions, but there is the itch on the side of the head that these two images are too random for comfort. They're also badly placed, the second image should be on the left side if the first image is on the right, and vice versa.
Thank God you didn't use a real picture of Brian Peppers, but then, you didn't need to go through the hassle of adding a second image anyway. Just having one image is fine, although it'd be sweet if you could choose a picture that feels more relevant to the incident, rather than a picture of the character. If Will Smith died, the media would use a picture of his funeral or dead body or the like, rather than some picture of him doing anything, like grinning inanely on a beach somewhere. It feels much more appropiate to use pictures that are linked to the topic of the article.
|Final Score:||30||Nice title, assuming plotline, ugly casting, crazy images. You're going the right way somewhat, but you still need directions to make a brilliant UnNews article. If that's what you aim for anyway.
At least it's funnier than I was today at achool. I dressed up as a rabbit for Children in Need. I looked a pillock.
|Reviewer:||--Nachlader 21:04, 14 November 2008 (UTC)|