Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Mad scientist slightly too mad to invent time machine

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edit UnNews:Mad scientist slightly too mad to invent time machine

-- senseless Ape (toast) (Riot Porn) 01:49, June 22, 2010 (UTC)

Humour: 3 hello an ape that only exists on thursdays. this is tuesday but i guess you'll read this in two days. although i don't know your time zone.

anyway i get where you're going with this article. there's the stereotype of mad scientists who are brilliant but unethical. but this guy is just mentally ill and mentally ill people don't make good scientists. because they do things like attempt suicide and think pieces of plastic are some kind of technology they're not. so you're poking a little hole in that stereotype.

so maybe that joke is worth a grin. but then there's absolutely nothing else funny in the news article. actually it's just kind of sad. it's a story about a professor who went crazy and had to be committed. it's probably a true story that's happened a dozen times in history. and probably no one in those situations was laughing, because you have a young wife who married a promising professor and now he's eating his own poop and screaming about how the centaurians are coming for him and she has to take a job as a receptionist to feed their 3 kids. and she sleeps with other guys but she feels guilty about it because technically she's still married because even though mental illness is grounds for divorce her very catholic parents would never forgive her.

see the problem is this article is 258 words long and 1 picture. but you could tell the same joke in 4 words and 2 pictures. title: "mad scientist". picture 1: guy holding up beaker while lighting flashes, caption "stereotype". picture 2: guy in straightjacket, caption "reality". that contains every joke in the article. and its short. and its pretty similar to something you would see on xkcd. and then that blog xkcdsucks.com would say randall had been losing it for a long time and everyone already knows crazy people don't make good scientists. and then the xkcd fanboys would protest that they thought it was funny and everyone would tell them to fuck off. and then they'd be like "why the fuck is there a website dedicated to shitting on xkcd, you're just ruining everybody's good time."

but i think i got off the subject.

Concept: 7 i think the concept is fine but needs to be expanded if the article is going to work. like i think it would be funnier if the mad scientist was only *slightly* too mad to invent the time machine. or maybe he invented the time machine but then he forgot what it was and mistook it for a recording device planted by the cia and smashed it. or maybe he invented the time machine but then he went back in time and stopped himself from inventing the time machine. or maybe he was almost done with his time machine but then he beat a woman to death with a cucumber because the voices told him to and now hes locked up for 20 to life. i dont know. i mean obviously thats not your joke. this guy isn't brilliant but crazy. he's just plain crazy. but like i said, the problem with that joke is that it exists in the title of the article and then theres no point in even reading the article. i mean, you could do some generic crazy guy humor schtick but thats just kind of mean. but the article has to do more than its doing to justify its existence. either the scientist has to be a little more successful or there needs to be some kind of evil league recruiting him or some rival sane scientist or some disappointed superhero who wants him to succeed more so there's someone to fight, or some frankenstein monster whose having trouble because no one is there to feed him, i dont know, it needs more concept. it has a good concept but the concept is inadequate for a whole article. there. that's what i was trying to say.
Prose and formatting: 8 the prose and formatting are fine, it looks like a real news article. the problem is it reads too much like a real news article. like if the title was a little different and i read it in the new york times i wouldn't be that shocked. i'd just be like "huh, poor fellow, kind of like russel crow in the beautiful mind movie i guess."
Images: 6 the image illustrates the article but doesnt really add to the humor of it.
Miscellaneous: 5 i think if this article is going to be successful youre going to have to take it back to the drawing board and do some more drawing. but its not bad, its just not enough for me, like if i ordered a burger and they gave me one sixteenth of a pound of ground beef, people need more ground beef than that i think.
Final Score: 29 i hope this has been helpful in any way, if it hasnt please delete it and dont ban me if youre an admin, i would appreciate that.
Reviewer: Horace Donald Westenchester 17:07, June 29, 2010 (UTC)
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