Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Lil Wayne challenges Kanye West to a twinkie eating contest, Kayne wins.

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Revision as of 15:33, March 17, 2010 by MsuCarencro (talk | contribs)

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edit UnNews:Lil Wayne challenges Kanye West to a twinkie eating contest, Kayne wins.

Pretty cool huh. Indepth please!--Grue JammyDirectorEye 4WILLExplode 3YOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 03:36, March 17, 2010 (UTC) Grue JammyDirectorEye 4WILLExplode 3YOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 03:36, March 17, 2010 (UTC)

I think I'll do this. Give me 24 hours or less.--M'su Carencro - Talk - Contributions - Blag 14:45, March 17, 2010 (UTC)
Humour: 4 This article is a bit on the short side,so I can't promise a completely in depth pee review. The "real" humor in this article is either thickly veiled in symbolism and obscure pop cultural references, or nonexistent. Basically, Kanye West wins a twinkie contest against fellow rapper, Lil Wayne. First and foremost, there is the obvious contrast between the two major themes in your article, Twinkies and rappers: while twinkies are innocent and sweet, rappers brainwash our children and eat babies[citation needed]. The whole unusualness of twinkies and rappers paired together is funny. Other than that, I can't really see anything funny, other than the whole randomness of the concept. The Harvey milk joke is a bit out of place (see:The Twinkie Defense), and not a lot people are knowledgeable about the Twinkie defense, but I think you added the joke to further emphasize the contrast between twinkie and rapper, or not. Some advice: don't use internet memes, ever (unless you're pointing out the meme's oldness). Even if they're relevant now, they won't be relevant in a few months. Axe the "Imma let you finish" joke now. Or I kill you with death. The new and improved Kanye West lyrics are the low point of this news article. Overall, the only thing you used to for comedy is the whole silliness of the concept, which brings me to...
Concept: 4 I see nothing interesting in the concept. Lots of bad articles contain unusual contrasts that border on non-sequitur (e.g James Cameron's son, sir Humphrey The 44th, is a gay Neo-Nazi who rapes little girls who like platypuses!) The whole "rapper eating contest" concept isn't exactly ripe for humor, unless you use the concept to thinly veil an other, underlying concept that's actually funny. Not to be cruel in anyway, but I find the concept's originality borders on the originality used by articles made by anonymous IP addresses (in-joke LOLOL). In a gist, random humor usually sucks so don't use it if you can't pull it off like an expert.
Prose and formatting: 7 The article looks and feels like a news story, with eyewitness accounts and everything, but the grammar leaves something to be desired. The first sentence doesn't make real sense, "A event in the Universal park, where rapper Lil Wayne challenged fellow rapper Kayne West to a Twinkie eater, with West being the winner of the competition". First of all, it should be 'an' instead of 'a'. Second, it's not even a sentence at all, more of a sentence fragment. Another example is this sentence, "Kayne, who is known for doing that stunt in the MTV Music Video Awards during Taylor Swift's award speech, has redeemed himself eating a lot more Twinkies than Lil Wayne did". Add 'by' after the 'redeemed'.
Images: 7 The image is random, but funny. Random images are always funnier than random words. There's only one image, but it's somewhat funny. The caption adds to the humor.
Miscellaneous: 4.5 My overall enjoyment of the article.
Final Score: 26.5 I don't have much advice on how you can improve this article. Maybe you can change the article by using your original concept to thinly veil another underlying concept (like the Nation's sad state of food eating contest). Good luck on your future endeavors.
Reviewer: --M'su Carencro - Talk - Contributions - Blag 15:33, March 17, 2010 (UTC)
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