Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Larry King is revealed to be nearly 500 years old

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edit UnNews:Larry King is revealed to be nearly 500 years old

I hope it is good as i thought it was when I wrote it. Lordarcadian 05:03, July 25, 2010 (UTC) Lordarcadian 05:03, July 25, 2010 (UTC)

May or may not do this - I will cancel it if I can't write an in-depth review, as I'm still building my ideas for improvement. If it isn't done within the next 24 hours then it is open again. --Some Idiot Image002 10:03, July 26, 2010 (UTC)
I've written the review, however I need to find a newspaper article on the internet for an example of one of the points I make, and this may take a day or two. Without it the main points of the review are rather pointless so I'm just going to keep this review booked until I find it. --Some Idiot Image002 11:03, July 26, 2010 (UTC)
So post the review, and advise that further comments will be forthcoming. Give the guy something to work on in the meantime. Or, in order to be consistent, I'll have to ban you if this stays booked for more than a day. Way it goes. --UU - natter UU Manhole 14:36, Jul 26
Ok, I'm done. Hopefully just in time? --Some Idiot Image002 08:58, July 27, 2010 (UTC)
Humour: 6 Before I start I must say this was pretty hard to review in depth, as all short UnNews are, but there are small things that I have mentioned that will make a big difference.

There are quite a few bits of humor in here, and placed nicely. However, one more of these one-liners (such as the lead paint one) would be good. The main thing I want to say here, is that the main humor in this is ruined by the fact the reader is told the main joke in the title. I think you should change the title to something like "There and Back Again - My Quest to Find Larry King's Age' or something similar, so not to give away this main joke instantly. This is not an overly funny article but if the reader doesn't instantly know his age, then it will be funny when they find it out. This is the main joke in this article.

Concept: 6 Strange, strange concept - however you've managed to get a story out of it and I congratulate you on that. That said, you should write more about each place you visit. This especially relates to what I say in the prose section - beef up each section, because it seems as if your rushing through it. Before you do that, however, read the Prose section below. Also, you find the age of Larry in the very last few sentences. Maybe add a bit more about the phone conversation? Build up the end as well.
Prose and formatting: 5 I have quite a few things to say about the prose in this article so I'll start off just saying a few things about the formatting. It doesn't look overly ugly but not overly appealing either. I recommend you move your only picture down lower, and at the top left add a picture of the Tibetan mountains or one of the reporter's other destinations, with the caption 'What a waste of time' or something.

Ok, now for my prose section. The thing is - this story isn't written in the style of a news story. In fact, it reads like the journal of someone on a quest - and although you state that he is on a 'Quest', this is still not the style of writing you use in an UnNews, or any news story for that matter. And you start off with a different guy introducing the article. First of all - change this. Let the reporter himself introduce the article, as this makes it easier to understand. As for the rest of the article - check out this. It's a section from a Good Weekend magaine, and contains examples for what I'm thinking of.

Work out the differences in style between to the two articles. As you can see the Good Weekend article has a much more casual tone - but also more strict, because it's a newspaper article. As I said in the humor section, this article should have it's title changed because it's not in the style of an amazing, front page news story, and that's why you need to look at this style. It may be a bit confusing but if you really try and do something about the style it will greatly change the quality of the article.

All this fuss about the style is why the score here isn't high and it will definitely go up if you fix this.

Images: 6 Only one image, but it is sufficient for me to not give you a terrible score. This article is not big enough for many pictures, but as I said above, you should add one more picture for looks, and this score will go up greatly.
Miscellaneous: 6.5 Averaged your score and added a point because I know it will be much better with the prose stuff I have mentioned.
Final Score: 29.5 I know that the prose stuff is pretty confusing but it will help this article greatly, making it better written, higher quality, and even helping out those one-liners you have placed here and there.
Reviewer: --Some Idiot Image002 08:58, July 27, 2010 (UTC)
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