Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Kim Kardashian and George Lucas reveal plans for new sitcom

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edit UnNews:Kim Kardashian and George Lucas reveal plans for new sitcom

I know its short, but I would like to know how it can be improved. Thanks! B0B ShitfaceZombie 18:30, March 8, 2011 (UTC)

On it ~ Humbuck Talk 21:13, March 8, 2011 (UTC)
Humour: 4 First, a thing or two about humor and concept: Humor is the little stuff. Concept is the big picture. Concept is the road that leads to humor; you can find humor without it, but it's rare and you'll never know how you got there or how to get there again. This article doesn't have much of a concept (more on that in the next section), which makes judging the humor a little difficult.

Personally, I didn't find the humor, well, humorous, as it basically revolves around calling Kim Kardashian a slut, which anyone can do. If I click on a link with the expectation that it's going to be funny, I tend to need a little more to make me laugh than seeing someone give the finger, unless it's in a brand new way that I find witty.

However, what I do see here is potential. You've got a good voice for comedy writing. The timing you have in the piece is good; you don't waste too much time, you don't give away the joke too early, and you don't walk over the punchline. These are the things that I find the hardest to teach others, so it's great that you've already got a grip on them.

My advice for humor: Aim for wit. Anyone can be offensive and anyone can be insulting. "Blue" humor like this works in conversation, but written, it gets very old, very fast, and stagnates a story quickly. Not everyone can make a hilarious observation that people wouldn't usually come up with. This takes thought and practice.

Concept: 2 Alright, about that concept. This is the big idea, the main theme of what you're writing about, the joke underlying the rest of the story, the thought that, in most cases, appears in one form at the beginning, disappears in the middle, and reappears in another form at the end to cause general hilarity. So... what is this idea? What are you saying with this article?

Kim Kardashian and George Lucas are sluts? I'd have to agree with SPIKE here - just not cutting it. Especially as the piece's big idea; maybe as a side joke (see humor), but I wanted more from the article's centerpiece.

One of the ways I develop concept for my pieces is to ask myself Why am I saying this? 10 times before, during, and after I write comedy. It forces you to think about and identify why something is funny. Then you can riff off of the elements you come up with, and this provides some interesting insights that you can develop and which can lead to an interesting perspective that people don't think of, and this leads to a hilarious observation that people wouldn't usually come up with.

As you can see, concept is how you get to humor.

Prose and formatting: 6 There are a lot of awkward sentences and typos and general grammatical mistakes, but I'm giving you a good score because you've got the ability to write comedy. Timing, no wasted breath, no stepping on punchlines, that whole deal.
Images: 6 Good picture choice, and the photoshopping job isn't bad, but could be better. With a better concept behind the article, you'll be able to pinpoint a better image and caption to use, too.
Miscellaneous: 4 Average score, rounded down because of the points given for potential, rather than the article itself.
Final Score: 22 You've got the talent. Just go that extra mile, make the effort and put in the thought and you'll do good. Damn good.
Reviewer: Humbuck Talk 22:34, March 8, 2011 (UTC)
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