Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Josh Hamilton knocks satellite out of orbit during Home-run Derby 2008

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edit UnNews:Josh Hamilton knocks satellite out of orbit during Home-run Derby 2008

You gotta be shitting me, He fucking lost! ----Mgr. Sir Sonic80 03:02, 15 July 2008 (UTC)

This article is under review by
Gerry Cheevers.

Sayeth Gerry: shotgun!!

i don't know how in-depth i can go into an UnNews, but i'll give what insight i can.

Humour: 7 it's pretty short. try to think of a few things to add. quotes tend to work well in UnNewses, maybe an interview with hamilton or his pitcher. it works well enough as it is, but it doesn't have any sparkle or leave the reader with that 'awesome!' feeling. if you are satisfied and are looking for verification that you have a solid article, you got it. if you're looking for ways to improve it, try throwing in some unexpected things. much of the content in your article i saw coming from pretty far away; try to keep the reader on his/her toes.
Concept: 6 4/5 points for a decently well-known subject. 2/5 points for execution; i'd like to see some more details.
Prose and formatting: 8 not too bad, but you have a lot of long sentences (in particular the entire last paragraph).
Images: 6 a pretty good image, but you should get one more i think, probably of hamilton.
Miscellaneous: 6.8 averaged
Final Score: 33.8 the preview button tells me that your score is 33.8, rendering this article closest to the 'adequate, the average article' category. i suspect it might suffer from being date-specific; that is, like articles about santa being missing or things of that nature, it's not as funny once a few weeks have gone by. if you are looking to improve it, i suggest taking some time away from it, reading HTBFANJS, and then reading it. i find it always helps me to see new directions the article could go. good luck, and if you have any other question, feel free to give me a shout.
Reviewer: SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 20:51, 28 July 2008 (UTC)
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