Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Is the Government doing enough to suppress the proletariat?

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edit UnNews:Is the Government doing enough to suppress the proletariat?

I'm not sure if this is funny or just ranty. -- huge Ape (enumerate) (Riot Porn) 14:48, 29 August 2009 (UTC)

Very much the second thing. Granted, I'm of a divergent political opinion, but even if I agreed with this article and it said how even the poorest of the poor in the US still live markedly better lives than do most people in Socialist Paradises like Cuba, it still wouldn't be very funny. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 18:21, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
As someone who is of a more radical liberal political opinion than you Ape, I have to say I like it, but the only part that was actually funny was the extremely childish "huge package" joke. The rest just had me nodding in agreement. Also, it seems to end too abruptly. I'd work on that. And I'd suggest you replace the image, cause that picture of Obama just too bland. MegaPleb Dexter111344 Complain here 19:14, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
I doubt you are more radical than I am, but whatever. -- huge Ape (enumerate) (Riot Porn) 19:34, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
Well I liked it, but then I divide my time Between the People's Republic of Canada and The Workers' paradise that is the UK --Sog1970 19:37, September 27, 2009 (UTC)
Humour: 6.5 Alright. Like the other users have already said, I feel that this article is more ranty than funny. To help with the reviewing, I'm going to compare this article to the "funnier version" that you also wrote, UnNews:Is the Government doing enough to appease the Sun God?. I think both articles are written pretty identically, but for some reason the Sun God one is far funnier. Why? I think the answer is that the featured article has a touch more whimsy than this one. I mean, Egyptian religion in modern day America? Comedic gold! Suppressing the proletariat? Not so much. I don't know how you'll do it, but for this article to get funnier and less ranty, add some improbable element. But it's improbable already, you say. Yes, you're right, but that improbability is more to make a political point than to be funny. For suggestions, I would read UnNews:Anti-genocide group announces new plan to get American government to intervene in Darfur by THE, which manages to be very satirical but funny as well.
Concept: 7.5 5/5 for the concept, 2.5/5 for the execution. I think you have the workings of a brilliant satire here, but you milk it until it's darn near caustic. I like the idea you set up (which I shouldn't, with me being a Republican and all), but it is so concentrated that I fear that if someone from Conservapedia (or Liberalpedia; I noticed how you stabbed at Obama :) ) reads this they'll have a heart attack and die. And that means lawsuits and nobody, whatever your political party, wants that. Easing up on the sarcasm will allow the funny to flow freely, and not be constricted by such a heavy topic.
Prose and formatting: 10 This is very well written and formatted, and is one of its saving graces. You certainly know how to put together an UnNews. It reads like an actual news report, which is something I don't often see in UnNewses. For that I thank you. It flows wonderfully and the formatting never gets in the way. 10.
Images: 7 One, image, not funny in and of itself, but the caption is good and fits neatly with the article. There's not much to say, because any more pictures would be too much for the length of the writing.
Miscellaneous: 7.8 Avg'd.
Final Score: 38.8 I think that if you take my advice (and it is just that, advice), your article will be better for it. Good luck. Oh, and BTW, my last name is Irish. Heh... my dad says all the worthwhile Irish people have left. Anyway, good luck with the article.
Reviewer: Necropaxx (T) {~} 05:43, Oct 3
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