Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Iraq wins war; United States declares total surrender

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edit UnNews:Iraq wins war; United States declares total surrender

My first UnNews article, it's designed to get you thinking, so I'd like it to be reviewed by someone with an ear for subtle satire. DarkBlue 22:49, 19 February 2008 (UTC)

Humour: 5 Oi. Shaky stuff here. This article is brief and it still lacks substance. There's simply no good jokes here. The only humor value is the concept itself, which I'm about to go over why this is such a weak article. But as far as jokes go, I'd recommend that you...add some jokes. Funny ones. You're one step ahead of most new users here in that you understand that the truth (or some form of it) is often funnier than open lies, but that in and of itself isn't good enough to make an article. UnNews is about twisting the truth. More about this in the next section.
Concept: 4 Your concept seems golden at first glance. But it was poorly executed. We all get it, Bush is a moron. Most of us knew that eight years ago, we don't need to keep hearing it. Just saying "haha the Iraq War is teh gayz and bush sucks dick cheney's hairy nuts" isn't funny, because we're already over the Iraq War. Nobody cares about that anymore. How often do you hear the media talking about it nowadays? Never.
Prose and formatting: 7 I can tell that you worked hard to keep the prose formal, like all UnNews articles should have. For the most part, this was very good. I spotted some grammatical errors which I'm going to fix as soon as I finish this review, so I won't count you off for what appears to be just some simple typos. No big deal. One thing I want to direct your attention to is your sources at the bottom of the page. Go ahead and checkit some other UnNews articles to get a feel for what those are for. I think you could make those look a little nicer. Or just get rid of them. They don't have to say "This is a link to Bush's Wikipedia Article", just make up some stuff. Also no big deal, I'm not really worried about that.
Images: 6 I was going to give you a good score here because I'm guessing you did that image yourself (considering you uploaded it) and it doesn't look half bad. But then after looking at it for a few seconds, it hit me. Who the fuck is that shaking Bush's hand? Why, it's Irani president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad! This article is about the U.S. losing the war to Iraq, not Iran. This is a pretty big deal; it makes you, the author, look pretty stupid not to know who Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is. I would rethink this image. Your potatochopping skills are pretty good, which is why you still got a 6 out of me. I'm sure you can whip up another image with the correct world leaders. ;)
Miscellaneous: 5.5 Avg'd using {{Pee}}
Final Score: 27.5 I gotta say, this is a pretty weak article. It lacks jokes, substance, and direction. Don't be discouraged! This can all be fixed! It's not bad for a first UnNews article, and I'm glad you came to Pee Review because that tells me you're open to criticism and willing to take some advice so you can learn how to make it better the next time. It's all a learning process, no one expects you to become a great writer overnight. I hope you take my advice into consideration and rewrite this article to bring it up to Uncyclopedia standards.
Reviewer: ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUNWotMRotMAotMVFHSKPEEINGHPBFF (@ 02:12 Feb 20)
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