Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Infomercial finally convinces area man to pick up phone, call now

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edit UnNews:Infomercial finally convinces area man to pick up phone, call now

Wrote this a while back and it failed VFH after somebody nommed it, but for some reason the title's always stuck with me. Any advice would be appreciated; if possible, any ideas for expansion (if you think it's needed) would be particularly awesome. (And you might get a cookie.) Mr. Monkey Sockmonkey Pant-hoot here. 23:16, 2 October 2008 (UTC)

Humour: 7 There are several funny moments in this article. It's quite a humourous idea that Mark Taylor is a man totally at odds with what he purchased. The fact that he's lazy and cannot bother reaching for the remote but buys an abs kit also made me smile. Taylor could criticise how irresponsible infomercials are, created so as to attract weak-willed consumers which he states he most definitely isn't! ... as he takes another drag on a cigarette and/or gulps another mouthful of caffeine. Perhaps instead of the comment coming from his friend, it could be better if it was Taylor's Mother who was speaking.
Concept: 8 Concept is good; everyone who reads this would be aware of the evils of advertising and its varying degrees of intensity, but I feel you could make more capital from what you initially say about infomercials. Further the idea that Taylor is practically hypnotised by the infomercial. If possible, have his Mother mention that she wishes there was an infomercial that would persuade Taylor to go out and get a job, too.
Prose and formatting: 9 Very well written and easy on the eye. You have a clear ability for writing which usually comes at a premium on Uncyclopedia, so a deserved 9 from me.
Images: 8 Good picture. Perfectly suitable for the article. It's an obvious choice, but the photo compliments the article.
Miscellaneous: 8 Nothing else to say here. I hope this encourages you to continue with your present standard of writing. Resist the temptation to expand the article too much as this would destroy the brevity which makes it so effective.
Final Score: 40 Overall, well done. Tight writing, and to the point. You should considered VFHing it once again. It's an effective article.
Reviewer: Geoffprickett 16:59, 4 October 2008 (UTC)
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