Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:I sneezed (revised)

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edit UnNews:I sneezed

I don't think this has been here twice. Has it? No. Anyway, not to be mean or anything, but I would rather SPIKE or Lyrithya not review it. Thanks. --Tophat headless 02:26, March 16, 2011 (UTC)

If you give me till tomorrow, I'll review it. It will be my first so feel free to request a second opinion. Cool? ---Zombie thingI have a talking zombie 19:48, March 17, 2011 (UTC)
Cool. --Tophat headless 20:58, March 17, 2011 (UTC)
Crap. Sorry dude, can't today. ---Zombie thingI have a talking zombie 12:30, March 18, 2011 (UTC)
That's cool, whenever you can. --Tophat headless 19:27, March 18, 2011 (UTC)
Thanks for understanding dude. I want to give you a good one, and I have some projects I have to finish first. I'll, try to get it before tomorrow, otherwise, tomorrow. ---Zombie thingI have a talking zombie 19:52, March 18, 2011 (UTC)
Like I said, take your time. I don't mind. --Tophat headless 00:17, March 19, 2011 (UTC)

'kay, here we go! ---Zombie thingI have a talking zombie 12:53, March 19, 2011 (UTC)

Humour: 7 Generally, this isn't OMGWTF I LOLLED IN MY PANTS :P HAHA funny, though it isn't bad either. You take some pretty minor things and then make it sound interesting, which is the point of the article. You got some funny links in there, which also adds to the humor a bit.
Concept: 6 Okay, as I said, you got this really random daily thing, then you just add some dramatic effect to it. Thats a alright concept, but I really think you could have done it another way to add effect to it, like pretending to feels signs of a nuculour meltdown, then the explosions, then the aftermath, while still keeping it more or less the way it is now. Get what I'm saying? Like,

12 January 2011 My parent's basement, USA -- Today, at exactly 11:35, signs of a full-blown sneeze started to appear from my noes. I ordered everybody in the area to move, or to find me a tissue to avoid wide-spread disaster.

Thats just my take. Otherwise, I think the concept was generally good and presented well.

Prose and formatting: 5 Okay, now it seems like I'm counting backwards from 7. This is where I really found a issue in your article. Okay, so, talking in first person in UnNews isn't against the rules, but, this kept interfering with the "flow and feel" of the article, as I had to read some sentences twice, and I started wondering if you were meaning that "I" is a character for a short while. I'm not saying this ruins the article, but it does have a negative influence.

Formatting is standard and right, which is good, but not fantastic.

Images: 6 Okay, this is something where you could have gone a bit further, but people rarely do, so I gave you a six. Now, you only need 1 image in an UnNews article, which you have, and I did I little research on the image you chose. When I Google Imaged "Sneeze", that was the first image I got. Its from "12 People Sneezing In Slowmo[1]. Its not terrible, but I think you could have found a way better one.
Miscellaneous: 6.5 General feel.
Final Score: 30.5 Okay, so you could work on the Prose and Images a bit (I'm not saying sack both). Otherwise, you did a good job. Not amazing, but that shouldn't be a goal. If you were aiming for "good", you succeeded.

Also, don't forget that I won't mind if you would like a 2nd opinion. Hope I helped!

Reviewer: ---Zombie thingI have a talking zombie 13:25, March 19, 2011 (UTC)
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