Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:ICC calls emergency meeting because I kick too much ass at Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2

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edit UnNews:ICC calls emergency meeting because I kick too much ass at Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2

This was my entry for last night's hourly writing contest, and my first ever UnNews. It was resolutely kept. I think it has a lot of potential. Experienced reviewer, please. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 14:39, June 28, 2010 (UTC)

Humour: 9 hello guidenstein. i have experience reviewing because i did that review on that fat zombie article. you can read it if you can find the link.

but that's not the topic here. i thought this article was very funny. of course, it was very short and only had one joke, really. but it was a good joke.

Concept: 10 the concept is the joke and the concept is funny and therefore this gets a 10
Prose and formatting: 8 okay so your prose might be the one place this could be improved?

the first sentence is perfect. the second sentence is kind of a run on sentence. that captures the voice of the gamer, so maybe thats okay. but i don't know if i like thorebeck's quote. "it is simply unethical how good he is" sounds like what the gamer thinks the icc would say instead of something the icc would say. so is the joke that the gamer is just making this up? or is the joke that it actually happened.

if it actually happened maybe thorebeck should say something laywer like. like "the subject's kill-to-death ratio clearly violates the geneva convention's rules on asymmetric warfare." or something. also, its weird that you say that of your three deaths, one was a claymore and one was a noob tube. what was the third one? why do we only get to find out about two? i dont know why that bothers me so much but i was like "fuck that fucking bothers me."

then the next sentence thorebeck says "what that young man has done this and other days." thats weird phrasing. maybe something like "what that young man has done for the last several months, and especially last night," or something.

okay so the second paragraph is cool except why did you repeat "tear shit up" twice in such rapid succession. maybe that's intentional because the narrator only has a couple catch phrases. but maybe it would be better if there was another synonym for gamer speak for being proficient at first person shooter video games.

third paragraph, thorebeck's quote is unnecessarily wordy, "to do as much as international law allows me to do to persecute." thats a lot of infinitives. maybe "to do as much as international law allows to prosecute." also why persecute and not prosecute. this makes me think you intended all along that thorebeck wasn't really speaking and this wasn't really happening and its all in the gamers head. but if that is what is going on maybe you can make it more obvious so i get the joke more easily.

and then the last paragraph is perfect. so then the only question is: more? and i think no. i like it short. but then again i noticed that most of the feature nominations were longer than this when i got banned for voting on them.

Images: 4 i dont like that image. i cant tell whats going on in it. when i click on it i can see the guy has a 29 to 1 score. but 1. i dont want to have to click on it and 2. you said the score was 38 to 3. maybe just find a picture of someone blowing someone up or something, its easier to see whats going on.
Miscellaneous: 8 i dont think theres anything else to say about this article because its short and i reviewed the whole thing and i considered the question of making it longer and decided i thought it shouldnt be longer. i mean it could be longer but then it would need more jokes. i guess it could be longer if you wanted to make it progrissivily more obvious that thorebecks quotes arent real and are being made up by the gamer. but then that would ruin the whole sense that its like "heres a funny joke, let me tell it to you, ha ha ha, okay go read something else." which is not a bad thing because i dont feel the need to be all tired after i read an article.
Final Score: 39 oh, the stuff above was probably my final comment.
Reviewer: Horace Donald Westenchester 20:57, June 28, 2010 (UTC)
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