Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Greek oracle disgusted at America, years of destruction ahead

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edit UnNews:Greek oracle disgusted at America, years of destruction ahead

Do it or feel the oracle's wrath! Icons-flag-pi Pirate Lord__Sonic80 (Yell  •  Latest literary excretion) __ 19:37, 30 September 2008 (UTC)

This article is under review by
Gerry Cheevers.

Sayeth Gerry: shotgun!!
Humour: 4 well, this wasn't very humorous. it was basically just knocking americans a lot for being dumb, which is a bit beaten-to-death. i like the 'hospitality of canada' line, try to draw that out more, maybe even into a full section. on that note, expand; make your article longer than four small paragraphs. the specifics aren't mentioned: how did the oracle speed up the crash? interviews are always good in unnewses; try one with the oracle and one with an american stock person maybe.
Concept: 5 the credit crisis is an obvious target for parody, but i feel like you missed some opportunities. why are there still oracles in modern greece? who asked for this prediction? what else was predicted? your tone needs work, it should sound more newsy and professional, and avoid the second person (You will be seeing numbers...). your title was unclear; was the oracle disgusted at both america and the destruction, or not? if not, i suggest moving the article to UnNews:Greek oracle disgusted at America; years of destruction ahead (note the semicolon).
Prose and formatting: 7 some grammar mistakes, etc., i'll give you a proofread. again, a bit short even for an unnews. other than that, formatted fine.
Images: 7 the image works well. make it bigger if it's the only one, or add another one; maybe of a generic greek thing (pantheon, greek salad) or the stock market.
Miscellaneous: 5.8 averaged
Final Score: 28.8 my preview button tells me that your score is 28.8, which suggests a rewrite. it feels like you really didn't spend a lot of time on this article, so it wouldn't be so much a rewrite as it would continuing to work on it. draw it out more, give more specific examples of everything. spend some time trying to think of funny wasy to compare the societies of modern america with ancient greece to tie the article ideas together.
Reviewer: SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 18:14, 1 October 2008 (UTC)
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