Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Goal sparks soccer riot
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This was my first attempt at an article. It seemed OK to me but i would appriciate someone else's thoughts or a sensual massage. I'll let you decide.HauntedUndies 08:38, May 31, 2011 (UTC)
- I'll do this. Wait, you aren't one of those Europes are you? (talk) 21:39, 4 June 2011
|Humour:||8||Are you sure this is your first article? It's rather good.
First off, your humor fits really well with the whole UnNews format and the general format of uncyclopedia overall, so good job there. However, your article isn't 100% consistent. For example, in the first paragraph you talk about the game itself using entirely obvious explanations. This is great, but then you talk about the riots, using exaggerated terminology. This is also pretty funny, but it doesn't really fit with the direction that you've already set the article. You don't necessarily need to change the entire paragraph, I just think you should tone it down a bit so that it matches your first and last paragraphs.
The final section of the article is great as it matches your first paragraph in terms of humor and tone. The saying something then have someone else say the exact same thing trick is a cliche, but it's cliche for a reason so you can definitely keep it. Your last two sentences have two of the funnier jokes in them, which makes them a great note to end on.
Great job on this article. I think you can branch out to longer articles if you want to, though a few of our best users only stay in one type of article, generally. Good job again.
A quick reread of HTBFANJS wouldn't hurt.
|Concept:||9||Great concept, although, like I said before, you don't keep it entirely consistent throughout the entire article. If you work on being more consistent in your future articles, and maybe changing this one up to be more consistent, they'll be a lot better.
There are a few things that are a bit formulaic. I already mentioned the say something-someone says it again exactly the same thing which is not too overdone to feel awkward, but the "none survived," and the English/British stereotypes are both very common jokes especially when talking about football riots and English football clubs. There are some that will say that your source should reflect the actual source, but I think the title you put it immensely funny. Don't change it.
|Prose and formatting:||8||The first line is a bit awkward. Either add commas after "England" and before "due" or change "due to an undesired goal" to after "England." Other than that, I can't see any glaring grammar errors. One thing that should be changed is in the dateline. "England" Should be in all caps just like "Wembley Stadium." That's just how news articles formatted, Dex or Humbucker should have caught that, but it's not that big of a deal. Everything else looks good, though you may want to ask someone to proofread it for you, if you care that much about grammar and such.|
|Images:||6.5||The two images you chose were decent, but not great. Same goes for the captions.
The first image is most likely ms paint job or possibly just a really bad shop, and it only kinda fits the article as you mention the rioters and not the players fighting back the riots. The caption is decent, but not great and the picture is rather small.
The second image is very difficult to see at that size, but it's got a pretty good caption for the image that you used. It fits the article much better than the first image and the caption is much better in my opinion. You can fix a lot of the problems I have with the images by simply taking out the first one and replacing it with the second, but making it much bigger.
|Miscellaneous:||7.5||Overall "feel" of the article.|
|Final Score:||39||Very good for a first article, but keep in mind this score is slightly inflated because of how new you are.|