Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Genocide in Darfur Ends

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edit UnNews:Genocide in Darfur Ends

Jrubio 04:04, 2 April 2009 (UTC)

This article is under review by
Gerry Cheevers.

Sayeth Gerry: shotgun!!
Humour: 7 ok, i enjoyed this. it is a nicely done piece, taking a theoretical event and putting a certain spin on it. some suggestions: in the paragraph quoting rick lewis, the china factory manager, it is not clear initially who is talking, and it took me a few reads to understand what was happening. as such, i suggest introducing this rick character before he begins speaking, so that the reader is aware of what angle he is approaching from. the same goes for the next paragraph, which could also stand to be longer than a single sentence. the last paragraph before the update is kind of a weak point; you really don't have a point, but the 'people who have managed the last few successful ventures' thing was good. i think something along the lines of a reason for why an invasion force is necessary would serve well. the update worked well, and rounded out the article nicely.
Concept: 9.5 5/5 for a well-known subject worthy of parody. yes, everyone is up-in-arms about this, and doing it half-assed.

4.5/5 points for execution. other than that lieberman paragraph, i really can't fault you anywhere on your approach to the article. good news-y tone, a solid amount of quotes, proper length...you've got it all!

Prose and formatting: 8 you had a little hiccup with some italics in the penultimate paragraph, i can fix those for you. that shortest paragraph could stand a few more sentences of commentary.
Images: 7 one image is good enough, i guess. the image itself is relevant and the caption is fine. no problems, but nothing spectacular.
Miscellaneous: 7.9 averaged via magic
Final Score: 39.4 my preview button tells me that your score is 39.4. this places your article in the high 'adequate' range, and it approaches VFH range also. i have to say that this is a solid article, especially considering that your only edits ever are to this one. in that vein: welcome! check out BGBU, HTBFANJS, and BEST. i'm not sure what your activity level is, but i certainly hope to see you around more often. good luck with this one, and if you need anything just let me know on my talk page.
Reviewer: SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 20:06, 2 April 2009 (UTC)
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