Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Galactic Empire raises terror alert level to orange

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edit UnNews:Galactic Empire raises terror alert level to orange

look! star wars!--SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 22:39, 2 February 2008 (UTC)

UUtea A big mug o' reviewin' strength tea? Why, that must mean this article
is being reviewed by:
UU - natter UU Manhole
(While you're welcome to review it as well, you might like to consider helping someone else instead).
(Also, if the review hasn't been finished within 24 hours of this tag appearing, feel free to remove it or clout UU athwart the ear'ole).

As this has been up here almost as long as my review request (nudge, nudge), and as it's no longer on VFH, I'll run the rule over this one. --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 13:54, 19 February 2008 (UTC)

Humour: 6.5 There's definitely funny in here. Some really good lines, such as the no-tolerance policy one, and the one about Kenobi. However, the finish falls a little flat, and there's the feeling that it's not quite "there" yet. You admitted it needed polishing on the ill-fated VFH run, and I'd agree with that.
Concept: 7.5 I like the concept. I like it more than the execution at present. I think the text in places feels too sympathetic to the Rebels - the headline and the opening, and the no-tolerance line make this feel like something written by an Empire propaganda machine - and that feel is lost in lines like "daring rescue" and the rest about ineptitude and the like. I'd be tempted to tighten this in the direction of propaganda, and be more dismissive of the rebel elements, but in a way that undermines the reporting. Modus's current UnNews:DEAR LEADER is great has elements of this, for example.
Prose and formatting: 9 No problems here - good writing and so forth.
Images: 8 Again, no problems, the right number, and well captioned. Gets an eight because they're not adding anything extra of themselves, but are used well.
Miscellaneous: 7.8 Averaged. The power of the Dark Side compelled me to.
Final Score: 38.8 OK, as I said in my vote, I like the idea of this, but it doesn't feel right just yet. You acknowledged this yourself, so I suspect you have a few ideas in that direction already. However, have a think about my comments in the concept section above, and look for a little more of a pay-off at the end, perhaps involving Tarkin's utter confidence in the invulnerability of the Death Star, and the fact that the Rebel pilots are a bunch more used to crop dusting and shooting at Womp-Rats than attacking a military installation, that kind of thing? As it stands, this is a good article - with polish, it could be another Cheevers Classic!
Reviewer: --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 14:15, 19 February 2008 (UTC)
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