Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Forty-two killed in ongoing QVFD genocide (resubmit)

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edit UnNews:Forty-two_killed_in_ongoing_QVFD_genocide

The previous review wasn't really that helpful, so I'm hoping to get some more specific advice, if possible. Contestant buzzer Contestant CUN -- VFH NotM Buzz Ctrbs 22:20, 9 January 2008 (UTC)

Hmm, OK... MrN Icons-flag-gb HalIcon.png WhoreMrn.png Fork you! 16:24, Jan 27
Humour: 7 Kinda funny, but not laugh out loud for me. More a smile rather than a giggle. It's clever rather than lolz.

It's a meta humour article, and as such you are always going to be under pressure from people who don't like too much of that. I think a lot of people are kinda bored of the whole writing about uncyc thing. I think you can reduce the impact of this problem by

Not directly mentioning the names of any particular people. Make references to people (such as the admins) a bit more subtle. You did that in places, by giving them first names, but what about having a link to the admins page, but not making it too obvious which one. For example, if your talking about Codeine refer to him as a dispenser of drugs or something, then have the text link to the page. It's more subtle, and less name dropping. I think people prefer that. I recommend you change most of the direct references to people.

What about mentioning the constant deletion of This page does not exist?

Concept: 7.5 Basically, I like the idea of calling QVFD a genocide. It's one of the better uncyc related ideas I have seen.

If you wanted to expand it out a bit, you could also mention VFD, or some of the other "weeks" which we have when the normal rules for article deletion are changed.

Prose and formatting: 7.75 How come there are so many red links? OK, I know they are articles which have been deleted, but all the red might upset some readers. I'm not sure how to avoid this, maybe put them in italics. You could also have the pages link to the huff log entry for where the article was deleted. There are some quite funny comments put on some of the huff logs, why not find some of the better ones and link to them.

Your prose if quite good and suitable for the context. You could spice it up a little more by making the newsreader a little more opinionated saying things like "and this reporter suggests"... You get the idea. With UnNews I like to see a marked difference to normal articles, and it's just a bit similar for me.

Images: 6 The pics are OK I guess, but I recommend working on the captions. In particular the Putin pic. I really like the idea of him getting involved in the debate, it's just the kinda thing you might see on the TV. The text was a bit lame to me though. Maybe just have it as "Do it right or don't try". I'm not sure I ever saw Putin use the word Shit, and I think its generally funny if the quote is actually something which the person could actually have said. Unless the point of the joke is that it's not, but in this case I think it should match the kinda thing he would have said.
Miscellaneous: 7.1 {{Pee|7|7.5|7.75|6}}
Final Score: 35.35 Basically it's a good UnNews but it's a bit blatant. Make it a bit more subtle, and I think you can make this a really great story. Maybe expand into general Uncyc deletion politics perhaps mentioning all the talk which has been going on in the Dump of late but if you did, you might need to change the tittle a little.

Good luck!

Reviewer: MrN Icons-flag-gb HalIcon.png WhoreMrn.png Fork you! 17:08, Jan 27
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