Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Finding: Hip-Hop largely Homosexual
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Please comment. I'm considering adding this to a standup routine (yes, seriously). WesMan20 18:41, 17 March 2008 (UTC)
- Dear god.
Or not... :) --WesMan20 14:39, 18 March 2008 (UTC)
|Humour:||6||I've got a couple of things to say about the humor in this article. I'm going to start with what I don't like so I can leave you on a high note. As a whole, I'd say this article was really not that funny. It is, for the most part, purely observational humor. I'm sure this would work great in a standup routine, since part of the humor in standup comes from the energy you project along with the actual material itself. But humor writing is a little different. It's not performance. Therefore, the humor value rests solely on your content. This is pretty weak. Observational humor just doesn't work in this format.
But there were some shining moments. You had a couple of bits in here that really showed some promise, and that's why you got the score that you did. If it weren't for these few gems, your score would (and I still think it SHOULD) be around a 4. One joke I especially liked was the bit about "the possibility that 'as few as 12 black men may have fathered all of the current black children in the United States under age sixteen'." That was exceptional. Perhaps it just stood out among the very dull backdrop of the rest of this article. But there were maybe two others like it that really made me smile.
|Concept:||2||What a terrible concept. All black people are gay? Sure, we do racist and bigoted humor here at Uncyclopedia all the time, but we make sure we do it right. When you feel the need to write an article on black people, try to make it something a little more clever. Racist humor is really only tolerated when it's witty and fresh, which this is neither. The direction you went with this article was just awful. The opening line, "Rappers, and more generally, black men, are gay," is a prime example of what not to do with racist humor. Overgeneralized statements are never funny unless they are being presented as being from the viewpoint of known bigots, and in that case they are presented as satire. This isn't satire. This is just dumb.|
|Prose and formatting:||6.5||At the very least, your tone is somewhat didactic and professional throughout the article. It could certainly use some cleaning up in some spots. Most notable would be your ending, (which I actually liked for the most part, it was a nice way to close it) "Ultimately, the debate will continue, as no one is willing to admit the fact," which could use some grooming. "...as no one is willing to admit the fact," either needs to go or needs to be reworded. Right now, that makes no sense and sounds very awkward in its current syntax. Take a good read through again and you'll find other awkward spots that either need to be ix-nay'd or just rewritten.|
|Images:||6||Your images are nearly adequate, nothing that really contributes anything to the article, however. Visual humor is just as (if not more) important in articles like this. I'm sure you could have photoshopped two gangstas making out or exchanging gifts or something. Just give me something. The images as they stand are passable, but they don't really do anything for me. They're just kind of...there.|
|Miscellaneous:||5.1||Averaged your scores.|
|Final Score:||25.6||I hope you know that I'm not at all offended by this article. The reason it's gotten such a low score from me isn't because it was controversial or edgy. This isn't controversial. This isn't edgy. This is just dumb. I never mark down an article because I disagree with a statement or because I find something that is against my belief system or because I am offended. If I'm offended by anything, then I'm offended as a humor writer. This article needs a lot of work. I've tried to offer the best advice I can give you, as I do with all articles I review, but I really don't see much hope for this.|