Just an average review. Nothing Special. Please grind my bones if not good.
Lord Serioch 22:14, 18 March 2008 (UTC)
2 laughs. Don't take it personally, I don't laugh much (and it was a bit short).
I reviewed it because the headline is magical. As with many UnNews stories, it's a great concept.
Prose and formatting:
Adequate. It wasn't poorly written, but it was somewhat short (again, a failing of a lot of UnNews articles).
Meh. Nothing really funny, nothing really original, but not horrible on either front, either.
This article isn't VFH quality by any means, but it isn't VFD quality either. It's simply another addition to a solid UnNews section. The best part of the article is easily the title, and that's usually not a good sign, even though it really is a KILLER title.
Great title. Ok article. Lots of potential here, which is both a good thing and a bad thing, as potential is a word you never use for something that's outstanding. Spend some more time on das prosen (and maybe try to find some different images), and I think this could one day be VFH material. Of course, you COULD just move on to writing your next UnNews article, too. :) (That's usually what I do).
I laughed more than Bradaphraser, but that may have to do with the fact that I'm very poor. I think it starts out great, but tapers off toward the end, though I do like the last line by Republirich (which I also think is a great name). I also agree that the title is awesome.
Prose and formatting:
It reads newsy, as it's supposed to, so style is fine, but structurally could use some tweaking. The passage with President Bush's quote is a bit cumbersome. Try breaking it up. Also, I don't think it has to be a new paragraph. Also, the line about warding off the "recession we aren't in" might work better if you add "supposed to be" between "aren't" and "in". That may seem trivial (to some degree it is), but journalists aren't supposed to inject their personal opinion (yes, yes, we know they all do, but they're not supposed to).
I actually like the images. The Bush image doesn't add a whole lot, which is why it brought the score down, but it is hilarious. Conversely, the one of the homeless guy giving a double-flip-off is great (I think). I think it perfectly sums up the attitude of those who could give a shit about the Fed's "rate cuts" (myself being one).
An average of scores.
I liked this article a lot and I think it could be better, but ultimately I agree with Bradaphraser - You could move on. But if you're looking to really hone your skills in comedy writing to within microns of perfection, feel free to fool with it. Actually, writing more articles will do that too... Your choice. :) Nice work!