The humor is pretty weak, but it's a spirited attempt. Some of these jokes really did make me smile. But most of them were duds, for no reason other than that they just weren't that good. I liked this bit: "However, economists disagree about whether the economy has already asphyxiated. "Look, his foot kind of twitched for a second there," said Stephen Howitzer..." But there weren't too many others like it, and none of them really made me laugh. But I really have to applaud you for sticking to your concept. This isn't really too big of a deal to me, I've got bigger fish to fry.
Good idea here, I really like it. Plus, your jokes stayed nice and consistent with this concept. I can't think of too many places to improve here, so I'm actually going to leave this section a little short to get to what's really bugging me.
Prose and formatting:
Graah, I just want to choke you right now. Why are you pressing the enter key 40 times after every sentence!?!? This is really what's killing your score. Don't be afraid of paragraphs! Try making your article look like all the other UnNews articles. It's not a bad thing for multiple sentences to touch each other. PLEASE reformat this. It'll probably be saved from ICU if that's the only thing you do. Familiarize yourself with the editing guide. It's virtually unreadable as is.
No images = no score.
You really need to work on editing. Play around with the sandbox for a bit, read the editing guide, (which I'm not linking to because I can't remember where it is) and read some other UnNews articles to get some good examples for your future work.