Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:FACT CHECK: Birthday Card not as Accurate as Hoped

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edit UnNews:FACT CHECK: Birthday Card not as Accurate as Hoped

My first UnNews. In depth, please. Thanks, and have a fantastic day!You know what the music means... Our time is up. 23:33, December 4, 2009 (UTC)

EDIT: Here is the article. It was moved to my userspace.--You know what the music means... Our time is up. 14:58, December 5, 2009 (UTC)
Humour: 7.5 The humor is consistent and well developed. Could be sharpened up a point if moved in a more petty or more conspiratorial direction where they imply ulterior motives for David's inaccuracy. That's entirely optional. The only real stumble (a minor one) is that the second point (David's love: mother -v- toy trains) does not actually attack the statement. DOES David actually love his mother more than toy trains?
Concept: 8.1 It's a very "The Onion" sort of concept, take a mundane occurrence and overreport it to death, so it's not revolutionary. Still, The Onion is popular for a good reason and this sort of thing has comedic potential.
Prose and formatting: 8 Very nice prose and formatting, keeping the respective tones of the news report and David's card distinct. Some fancy visual distinction would help the layout a bit, such a background color boxes for the "THE FACTS" bits or alternate colored text. Headers for each section might work too but overall I can't complain.
Images: 7.3 The pictures are appropriate if unexceptional and I kicked in a little bonus for some humor in the first caption. The second caption is a non-entity, though I'm not sure what to add to make it funny.
Miscellaneous: 7.7 Nothing extra, score averaged
Final Score: 38.6 A solidly built UnNews article. Well done.
Reviewer: --Count of Monkey Crisco 07:53, December 7, 2009 (UTC)
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