Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Europe invades the iPhone

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edit UnNews:Europe invades the iPhone

Might need pictures, might not. Anyway, any criticism would be helpful--TimJohN 00:56, 11 November 2007 (UTC)

Added a pic I made. hope it makes it a bit better.--TimJohN 01:32, 11 November 2007 (UTC)

Got it. -Razorflame Flame war (contributions) Talk 01:02, 11 November 2007 (UTC)

GREAT review, btw -  Le Cejak <-> 02:03, 11 November 2007 (UTC)
Humour: 7.8 Good for the most part. In the first half, it needs work. In the second half, it works.
  • P1-(5): Needs a bit of work. There were some funny lines (student Mak Intosh), but the second half of it felt dry. Maybe add a bit more humour?
  • P2-(6): Better, but the first half of this paragraph felt dry. The second half was very nice and made me laugh throughout.
  • P3-(10): Very nice humour here. Maybe a picture or 2 here would be nice? Made me laugh out loud very often.
  • P4-(10): Again, very nice humour here. A picture would work wonders here.
  • Score is the average of these 4 scores.
Concept: 9.3 Very good content for the most part.
  • P1-(8): Could use a bit of explination maybe? Maybe you could expand this a bit?
  • P2-(9): Could use an expansion (just a little). Other than that, good.
  • P3-(10): Good content. Made me laugh the most.
  • P4-(10): Good content. Made me laugh a lot.
  • Score is average of these 4 scores.
Prose and formatting: 8.3 Good prose, but I get lost while reading it a bit.
  • P1-(8): Flow is a little choppy here. Readability is good. I think that if you could improve the flow here, that you would easily be able to make this section funnier.
  • P2-(6): I got lost about halfway through this paragraph. The flow is nice, but the readability isn't. All those numbers aren't very good for the uneducated.
  • P3-(10): Very nice here. Leave this paragraph alone :).
  • P4-(9): Just need to make the description in the first part of the paragraph flow nicer. Other than that, good paragraph.
  • Score is the average of these 4 scores.
Images: 0 No images. Not good. This article would be MUCH funnier if it had images.
Miscellaneous: 6.4 Average of 4 scores above.
Final Score: 31.8 Fix the areas that I have detailed above. This is a very nice concept and article, just needs a few kinks to be worked out.
Reviewer: -Razorflame Flame war (contributions) Talk 01:19, 11 November 2007 (UTC)
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