Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Britian's teenage girls told "they can only have so many abortions a month"
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Well.....it is a start. Ahem.
Method man 12:48, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
|Humour:||10||Humor is excellent.|
|Concept:||9||Concept is good. Just needs a little work|
|Prose and formatting:||10||Excellent prose. Nuff said here.|
|Images:||10||Images fit the material being discribed.|
|Miscellaneous:||10||I know good work when I see it. That is what I see here.|
|Final Score:||49||Keep up the good work.|
|Reviewer:||Alien Hunter 07:12, 20 May 2008 (UTC)|
Wow, that's... possibly somewhat generous. Before you get carried away, Method Man, you may want to look for a second review. I saw an amusing idea with some good lines that could still do with a bit of work, and I think a review by a member of PEEING may help you identify what to work on. Of course, you could ignore this comment and bask in the glow of that high score, your choice! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 11:37, May 20
|Humour:||6||There are a couple of nice gags here. I'd have put the P-Funk reference in a footnote, because it upsets the flow of your opening sentence. Also the conclusion needs to be stronger.|
|Concept:||5||Basically we have: an exaggeration of the number of abortions in Britain - this is good, as it directly relates to the story you're satirising. We have the gap between the intent of this legislation and its likely outcome - nice. These should be your major themes. Then we have the nice counterpoint of the Conservatives caught between being social conservatives who hate abortion, and economic conservatives who hate regulation - also good. If I were you, I'd strip down the sill humour and throw away lines and the baffling jokes about Hull and concentrate on developing your major themes.
That's not to say that silly humour and throw away lines don't work, but save them for longer articles on more frivolous topics.
|Prose and formatting:||6||I don't see too many errors, but it really needs to read more like a newspaper story. I'd dump the amusing nicknames, build the quotes into the main body of the article rather than using quote tags, and use fewer text tags for emphasis - real news stories don't bold words nearly so often as you do.|
|Images:||5||The picture is difficult to make out, and is only tangentially connected to the subject.|
|Miscellaneous:||5.5||Average of other scores|
|Final Score:||27.5||First off, this is better than my first article was. Much, much better. But it is still a cut below the usual standard of UnNews articles. When writing your next UnNews based on a real news story (and I hope you do), try to keep to the point more and concentrate on shining a light on the absurdity of the real story, rather than getting caught up making so many little "side" gags. Hope this has been helpful|
|Reviewer:||--Cap'n Sir Ben GUN WotM VFH VFP 03:54, 21 May 2008 (UTC)|