Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Biggest solar storm ever, 'Global Katrina', threatens to steal babies; kick puppies

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edit UnNews:Monster solar storm, 'Global Katrina,' could steal babies, kick puppies

I wrote another UnNews. Icons-flag-pi Pirate Lord__Sonic80 (Yell  •  Latest literary excretion) __ 18:36, February 21, 2011 (UTC)

Review review review I'ma review. Review. I mean... 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy 07:50, 25 February 2011
Prose and formatting: 5 I'll rant a bit about this first, partly because I'm just obsessed with this stuff, and partly because it seems to be where your main issues lie, such as they are; the other bits are quite good.

Since it's so short, I just went ahead and fixed the minor grammatical errors, though in the future, you may want to look more to your commas - use them to separate distince clauses, not fluid events. And keep your tenses consistent, though that could well have just been for lack of noticing. And if you're using a not normally a word throughout a thing, whatever form you use, keep that consistent - did you mean super-storm or super storm?

General... tone's good, presentation is good, though I'll admit I miss the italics some UnNews have for quotes... but I suppose that really doesn't matter, just preference.


But the thing gets clunky some places. Maybe it's tiredness, but I had to reread the intro several times before I could even figure out what it was saying - the inconsistent couldish tense didn't help, and I know that's not a word, but hell if I know what the actual word would be - but it also... jumps. It talks about minor threats, things contributing to a problem, and a few documentaries on those to... need a storm. I guess that's for the documentaries, right? Or is it? Why, then, would it be the natural world that needs it? Needs it for what? Whatever it's needing it for is probably pretty damn funny in of itself... needing a storm in the first place is amusing, for that matter, but it's also just confusing without that what, funnies aside.

And the start of the second paragraph - 'Kirk Truewater of the Foundation' - When I read that, I'd already forgotten what foundation it was, which probably says more about my state of mind than it does about the article, but on the other hand, 'of the foundation'? Why not 'Foundation whateverhispositionis Kirk Truewater'? Seems newsish and thorough, but it would also be a more direct lead from the last statement - talking about the foundation leads to foundation guy. Smoother. Smooth is good. Likewise, the list of possible effects it could have could also be smoother. If they are possible effects... well, they're all possible effects. Manifesting in the room and kicking one's puppy is an effect that is possible, so saying that 'it could happen' isn't a possible effect... eh, just make it one, or separate it from the list as a new sentence or something. I'd do it myself, but I'd probably forget what I was doing if I tried.

Nice technobabble.

Hmm... the brief history of superstorms is odd. It starts with one. Then it says 'All the way to' another, but... implicitly, it's all the way from the first to the other, but it's just awkward. Why not say it, that from? For that matter, why 'all the way'? It seems like a rather strange idiom here, when you could probably have something more indicative of ones in between... or just mention the ones in between as 'the ones in between' or some such, leading up to the most recent... eh.

Also, I think that 'where' with the tornadoes should be a 'when', since the event is an event, not a place. Except an event is... ah, hells, I don't even know what I'm saying.

Humour: 8 Lovely jokes. Some of them could be more clear; I think I mentioned in the prose section. At least, I hope I did, as I don't even recall what they were anymore.
Concept: 9 What a horrible prospect... not just annihilating everything, but kicking puppies and stealing babies... not that that is all there is to it, oh no...

Ah, hells, I can't even say anything useful here. It's a lovely twister of a news, completely ridiculous and yet leading on a reader as if they can sort out what is hyperbole and what is reality, except it's all real. We're all doomed. Especially our puppies.

Although it's odd how he says everyone will be dead but once and the rest involves no deadity. Not really a problem, considering, but...

Images: 6 If the sun hasn't been stealing the babies yet, why is it greening already? How would they know that? It's ridiculous enough and fits the notion of the storm doing that, but on the other hand, the sun image seems a bit of a stretch; be funnier if it didn't seem so much like an arbitrary flar image forced onto the piece. Maybe even just say that it's what they're projecting. The entire thing is speculation, after all... should the image not be more speculation? Or something that led to the speculation, perhaps? Why is it there, otherwise?
Miscellaneous: 8 You realise that by the time news-spaced UnNews get reviewed, it's usually too late for the review to really be of much use for that particular UnNews, right? The things tend to pass by so quickly... mind, reviews can still be useful for the next ones, but... eh. On the other hand, this particular one may be soon enough that you could put it to use, anyhow, especially since it's a feature-quality sort... although usefulness would still assume this review even has anything useful in it.
Final Score: 36 I cannot stress enough how much of this may be nothing more that sleep-deprivation-induced brain-not-workity delusionment, as I haven't slept, but... I forgot what I was saying. Man, my short-term memory really goes through the floor when I'm tired. Anyhow, good news. Scaryish and adorable and all that... at least, I think it was. I can't remember.

Yeah, this is a totally confidence-inspiring way to end a review, isn't it? Man, I'm sorry. Hopefully some of this will help, though... now if you'll excuse me, I need to go pass out.

Reviewer: 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy 08:58, 26 February 2011
5
Bloink
Prose and formatting
Appearance, flow, overall presentation...
I'll rant a bit about this first, partly because I'm just obsessed with this stuff, and partly because it seems to be where your main issues lie, such as they are; the other bits are quite good.

Since it's so short, I just went ahead and fixed the minor grammatical errors, though in the future, you may want to look more to your commas - use them to separate distince clauses, not fluid events. And keep your tenses consistent, though that could well have just been for lack of noticing. And if you're using a not normally a word throughout a thing, whatever form you use, keep that consistent - did you mean super-storm or super storm?

General... tone's good, presentation is good, though I'll admit I miss the italics some UnNews have for quotes... but I suppose that really doesn't matter, just preference.


But the thing gets clunky some places. Maybe it's tiredness, but I had to reread the intro several times before I could even figure out what it was saying - the inconsistent couldish tense didn't help, and I know that's not a word, but hell if I know what the actual word would be - but it also... jumps. It talks about minor threats, things contributing to a problem, and a few documentaries on those to... need a storm. I guess that's for the documentaries, right? Or is it? Why, then, would it be the natural world that needs it? Needs it for what? Whatever it's needing it for is probably pretty damn funny in of itself... needing a storm in the first place is amusing, for that matter, but it's also just confusing without that what, funnies aside.

And the start of the second paragraph - 'Kirk Truewater of the Foundation' - When I read that, I'd already forgotten what foundation it was, which probably says more about my state of mind than it does about the article, but on the other hand, 'of the foundation'? Why not 'Foundation whateverhispositionis Kirk Truewater'? Seems newsish and thorough, but it would also be a more direct lead from the last statement - talking about the foundation leads to foundation guy. Smoother. Smooth is good. Likewise, the list of possible effects it could have could also be smoother. If they are possible effects... well, they're all possible effects. Manifesting in the room and kicking one's puppy is an effect that is possible, so saying that 'it could happen' isn't a possible effect... eh, just make it one, or separate it from the list as a new sentence or something. I'd do it myself, but I'd probably forget what I was doing if I tried.

Nice technobabble.

Hmm... the brief history of superstorms is odd. It starts with one. Then it says 'All the way to' another, but... implicitly, it's all the way from the first to the other, but it's just awkward. Why not say it, that from? For that matter, why 'all the way'? It seems like a rather strange idiom here, when you could probably have something more indicative of ones in between... or just mention the ones in between as 'the ones in between' or some such, leading up to the most recent... eh.

Also, I think that 'where' with the tornadoes should be a 'when', since the event is an event, not a place. Except an event is... ah, hells, I don't even know what I'm saying.

8
Bloink
Humour
The implementation, how funny the article comes out...
Lovely jokes. Some of them could be more clear; I think I mentioned in the prose section. At least, I hope I did, as I don't even recall what they were anymore.
9
Bloink
Concept
The idea, the angle, the grand funny of the article...
What a horrible prospect... not just annihilating everything, but kicking puppies and stealing babies... not that that is all there is to it, oh no...

Ah, hells, I can't even say anything useful here. It's a lovely twister of a news, completely ridiculous and yet leading on a reader as if they can sort out what is hyperbole and what is reality, except it's all real. We're all doomed. Especially our puppies.

Although it's odd how he says everyone will be dead but once and the rest involves no deadity. Not really a problem, considering, but...

6
Bloink
Images
The graphics themselves, as well as their humour and relevance...
If the sun hasn't been stealing the babies yet, why is it greening already? How would they know that? It's ridiculous enough and fits the notion of the storm doing that, but on the other hand, the sun image seems a bit of a stretch; be funnier if it didn't seem so much like an arbitrary flar image forced onto the piece. Maybe even just say that it's what they're projecting. The entire thing is speculation, after all... should the image not be more speculation? Or something that led to the speculation, perhaps? Why is it there, otherwise?
8
Bloink
Miscellaneous
Anything else... or not...
You realise that by the time news-spaced UnNews get reviewed, it's usually too late for the review to really be of much use for that particular UnNews, right? The things tend to pass by so quickly... mind, reviews can still be useful for the next ones, but... eh. On the other hand, this particular one may be soon enough that you could put it to use, anyhow, especially since it's a feature-quality sort... although usefulness would still assume this review even has anything useful in it.
36
Bloink
Final score
1234 ~ 16px-Pointy 08:58, 26 February 2011
I cannot stress enough how much of this may be nothing more that sleep-deprivation-induced brain-not-workity delusionment, as I haven't slept, but... I forgot what I was saying. Man, my short-term memory really goes through the floor when I'm tired. Anyhow, good news. Scaryish and adorable and all that... at least, I think it was. I can't remember.

Yeah, this is a totally confidence-inspiring way to end a review, isn't it? Man, I'm sorry. Hopefully some of this will help, though... now if you'll excuse me, I need to go pass out.

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