Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Athletics axed from London 2012 schedule

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edit UnNews:Athletics axed from London 2012 schedule

Anyone? Preferably someone who's been following the 'lympics at least a bit, but other than that I'm not fussy. User-Gladstone-icon Rt Hon W E Gladstone MP GOM | Converse | Icons-flag-gb Yorks Rose 00:15, 19 August 2008 (UTC)

Cheevers99
This article is under review by
Gerry Cheevers.

Sayeth Gerry: shotgun!!
Humour: 6 okay, this was a decent article, but it had its share of flaws. firstly, you're a bit inconsistent with your numbers. you say seven sports are added, then say six, then list nine. this only confuses the reader. i'm not sure if seb coe is the real guy's name, but it doesn't even sound like a name. try giving the guy a painfully obvious british name, like lord kensington pennyfeather or something. the content itself is rather short: you have some good paragraph stuff but then you have two lists. you should definitely try to incorporate these lists into paragraph form, it would serve the article much better. also, throw in some more stuff like ridiculousness (would the IOC chair be able to compete for a medal in snooker?) and british stereotypes (no miminum dental health requirement for competitors, pipe-smoking and gentlemanly charm as events, etc.).
Concept: 7 a decently well-known subject. i heard of something regarding the shuffling of events for the 2012 games. however, articles like this tend to fade along with their subject. the olympics ended several weeks ago; therefore this article would struggle on VFH right now because not even the people who followed the olympics would have enough memory to enjoy this parody overly much.
Prose and formatting: 6 big block quotes, listy at the end. try to incorporate both into paragraph form. break up the big quotes by adding "he said. He went on to add, " at sentence breaks, to turn them into paragraphs. i'll give it a proofread.
Images: 7 the images are a problem. there are too many. just the althletics one, plus either the poker one or the martial arts one would suffice. the weightlifting caption was funny, but the image has nothing to do with the article. if you really want to keep that one, put some content in the article concerning weightlifting getting axed. perhaps an interview with the individual in the image.
Miscellaneous: 6.5 averaged
Final Score: 32.5 my preview button tells me that your score is 32.5. i would say that this article is nearly adequate. upon reading it again it occurs to me that you talk about sports getting added much more than sports getting axed; either focus more on the sports that got dropped or change the title to 'events lineup shuffled' or somesuch. try to de-listify, and drop some images. i don't think this would do well on VFH due mostly to the subject matter, but you are of course free to try anyway. good luck.
Reviewer: SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 14:28, 8 September 2008 (UTC)
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