Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Area man performs newly learned chord for friends with chilling results
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
I have this fear of guitars. I hate it when someone brings a guitar to work and announces that we'll be singing Christmas songs (especially if its July), but two weeks ago, somthing like this happened to a group of friends and it makes for a mighty fine article for Uncyclopedia. Constructive comments welcome. NOTE: I kept the image simple and small for a reason. I think that a bigger image would detract from the article. Dame19:37, 20 October 2008 (UTC)
Dame19:37, 20 October 2008 (UTC)
- Let's DO this. --Nachlader 10:15, 22 October 2008 (UTC)
|Humour:||6||I didn't find it terrifically funny, but it's not incredibly bad. The concept is okay, even if it's been seen before in a lot of places, but I think you should've thought a little more about making this story appeal to other people as well as a group of friends that you have. For example, you could've made the article more about someone who plays the guitar horrifically, and not just playing the guitar to people who hate the sound of a guitar. From there, I think, the laughs would've rolled in and the article would be understood by a wider range of readers.
The article is one of the straightest I've seen in Uncyclopedia. No, I don't mean I think it's a ruler, I mean it does not resort to randomness for humour. In some cases, that is brilliant and a true mark of a comedian who knows what they are doing. However, to make something completely abstract from reality, a bit of randomness can be humourous. Maybe one of the victim's ears start bleeding, and has to be taken to the hospital? That's not possible, and it's random, but it would make me laugh if it was the result of someone playing music very badly.
|Concept:||7||A very fresh idea. I've not seen many articles on Uncyclopedia that go along these sort of lines, "man plays music badly" and the like, but it is quite an old idea. However, the main problem was the execution. It's all very well if a new concept hits you on the head when you're with friends and the bunch of you and your friends laugh about it, but remember you will still need to think about the concept more so it's adapted for everyone on Uncyclopedia. After all, I never show the jokes I crack with my friends on Uncyclopedia; the sense of humour between the two is vastly different. As well as that, if you have a phobia for something and you decide to make an article that opposes that sort of thing, it's not going to be attractable for everyone. I have an irrational fear of axe-wielding maniacs, but I know that it'd be hard to make a funny article about one of them being sentenced for life in jail.
That's not to say you can't handle the concept. You were heading in the right direction with it, but you needed to go further. Think about the scope, explore some ideas and remember that a bit of randomness can still be good.
|Prose and formatting:||8||The prose has very little wrong with it. Plenty of quotes (suggests that UnNews has decent coverage), extensive amount of content, italicised quotes (often missed out in UnNews articles), lots of names, some description of the event. The vocab wasn't exceptional and the style felt bland at times, but this is one of the most genuine looking news articles I've seen on UnNews.
There is not much I would suggest really. The number of quotes was impressive on the article, but also over-shadowing. It felt like the quotes were dictating the news story rather than the first-hand journalism, know what I mean? If you can add more words in favour of the journalist telling us about the story, there is a greater opportunity to put out some decent vocab as well.
|Images:||7||Good image generally. The headshot of a very ugly facial expression amplifies the shock the victims in the news story were supposed to have felt. However, while you did state a reason for keeping the image small, I would've agreed with making the image larger, then the shock factor of the news story would've been larger, even if the article is actually about the sound of a guitar. Kudos for remembering to add an image though.|
|Final Score:||35||You had a good idea for an article. However, it's been done before in various comedy sketches and it didn't appeal to me in some ways, after all I love the sound of a guitar. Writing about a joke you had with some friends and about a phobia of yours is not necessarily funny on Uncyclopedia.
Although, I thought it was a very good effort and it meant well, these kinds of jokes never fail to make me laugh. I'd like to see more articles from you!
|Reviewer:||--Nachlader 10:15, 22 October 2008 (UTC)|