Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Angry Donkey Mauls and Violates Tourist, then Reporter

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edit UnNews:Angry Donkey Mauls and Violates Tourist, then Reporter


Sorry. Rewrite, this time with more violation and silliness.

Erock199 19:55, 23 January 2009 (UTC)

Humour: 5 Decent attempt. This isn't a laugh out loud classic, just a quirky situation. All the humor is generally relevant and is set to one point, which is good to see. The topic itself doesn't have that much potential though. You may want to remove the part at the end though about the donkey going to the museum and enjoying fine arts. That seems lazily added in just for length and variety. If you do want to keep that though, put it in the beginning and lengthen it. Describe that part in more detail so that it flows nicer. As far as everything else, I really think you could do better if you had a topic that allowed it.
Concept: 4 This is where your article got hit for the most part. Most of what your humor is is said in the intro. There really is no reason to read this because the sentence says the entire thing, and your article follows exactly what anyone would expect from reading the title. Again, I honestly think you brought the topic to its full potential, and I think you could do much better if you spent some time on thinking through your jokes a little more and making an article with more potential. As for this article, the most you could do is take out some of the randomness and add maybe one more joke or two.
Prose and formatting: 8 It was a bit short, but there are not many things you can do wrong in an Unnews as far as formatting. You don't need headers or anything like that. I did find some misspellings, and a spellcheck could definitely improve this. But a few examples to help you out are when you say, rammed me in place I'd rather not say, it should be rammed me in a place I'd rather not talk about. I also think cross-species-sexaulity should be cross-species sexaulity but I am not entirely sure so look that up before you put it in.
Images: 5 Meh, there was one picture and it was decent. It wasn't laugh out loud funny but it wasn't random BS. What you might want to do is find a better caption, maybe one saying something the donkey is thinking or actually saying. You might want to add another picture becuase one picture is boring. Finally, format the pictures better so its not just one in the middle of the page, because that just looks messy.
Miscellaneous: 5.5 Averaged
Final Score: 27.5 There isn't much to do here. The topic overall isnt that great but I think with a little work you can get it a little better, but this doesn't seem like it'll be VFH quality anytime soon. The humor is just a bit too weak. Besides that, if you need anything or have any questions just ask me on my talk page! Good luck!
Reviewer: --Tagstit 09:48, 24 January 2009 (UTC)
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