Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:An interview with a woman who had an abortion as a teenager

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edit UnNews:An interview with a woman who had an abortion as a teenager

Something I wrote last Christmas, but never got to spit shine it due to how quickly the holiday deadline came. I'm struggling with the lack of a message behind it. Mainly, besides being extremely offensive for the sake of being extremely offensive, it's supposed to parody both Christian theology and the abortion debate. (Catholics focus on Mary more than Jesus; Leftists focus on the pregnant woman more than the fetus.) So far, the main criticism is that the woman doesn't "sound Hispanic". -- Kip > Talk Works Puzzle Potato Dry Brush CUN Icons-flag-us 23:15, Mar. 19, 2010

Doing this now. I'll get it done...soon. M'su Carencro - Talk - Contributions - Blag 01:08, March 25, 2010 (UTC)
Humour: 7 The first sentence really shows the pro-life bias in your article, "Whether you consider yourself Pro-Life, Pro-Choice, or somewhere in the middle of the debate, one thing most of us can agree is that abortion is a tragedy". Sometimes, subtly adding a bias is good for humor; Stephen Colbert being a living example of this, pretend conservative bias is absolutely hilarious, if used in the right hands. I'm not sure if this was your intent, but the nativity allusions (Maria is Mary, Josè is Joseph, Gabriel is Gabriel, and the not so subtle 'racist' jokes near the beginning, were added to be insulting to as many people as possible, to emphasize the conservative bias in the article. I think Monty Python did something like that (being offensive for the sake of being offensive) in their film, Monty Python's The Meaning of Life. I like the humor in your article; its subtle, its not sarcastic, and it has an overly exaggerated bias without seeming that way. There is one problem though, which significantly lowers your humo(u)r score, their isn't one basic "theme" to the article, or the "theme" isn't visible enough. Let me explain more clearly: if the article is a parody of, lets say, parrots, the article could focus on the trials and tribulations of a parrot owner, that would be the articles "theme" (I made up the vocabulary; don't use it please). A theme, according to me and nobody else, is what an article centers around, an idea that the article uses to extract humor . I couldn't see one definite "theme" that the article centers around; it isn't exactly a parody of conservative views on abortion, it isn't exactly a twisted parody on the nativity story. If you can revolve your article around one thing to parody about, it will be improved. If you can juggle several "themes" at once in an article, be my guest.
Concept: 8 I love the concept. The whole reason for a news story about an interview with an abortion "victim" is to support the pro-life group! You occasionally see news stories like these on Fox News (i.e Man Killed By Woman who Voted For Obama, or Child Murders Innocent Blonde Girl With Blue Eyes After Playing GTA 4), where the news story itself is used to support a bias. Though, as I stated before in the humo(u)r section, you should both center the concept to parody one "theme". Overall great concept, and very good execution.
Prose and formatting: 9 The article is mostly grammatically correct, but there are two problems. First, the narrator uses more complex syntax that the reader wouldn't expect from a an uneducated, low payed, illegal immigrant (that sentence sounded so racist): "pleaded in desperation", compound sentences, the word 'immaculate'! The narrator sounds more educated then the character you described. Second, she doesn't seem Hispanic enough! I know that you intended the article to insult, but your not going to insult anyone if your character doesn't "feel" like she's Hispanic. I know that using stereotypes is down right horrible for humor, but there is one exception: if you parody the stereotypes to the point that the parody becomes the humor, rather than the stereotypes.
Images: 6 The images are decent, and the captions were okay. the use of the art work by Giottie di Bondone, along with the caption, is absolutely hilarious, and emphasizes the Nativity story allusions, which I have described earlier. The one big problem is that there isn't enough images. I think you should add at least one more image, so slow readers can rest their eyes on a nice image when they have to rest from reading all those words.
Miscellaneous: 7 My overall enjoyment of this article.
Final Score: 37 Make the message of you article clearer, add one more image, make the narrator's vocabulary and syntax more "Hispanic" (that sounded so racist), and continue making articles. This article could be VFH worthy if you just put some good 'ol fashioned elbow grease and do some hard work. I strongly advice you to get a second opinion before you decide where to change your article.
Reviewer: M'su Carencro - Talk - Contributions - Blag 02:13, March 25, 2010 (UTC) I'm still really new to reviewing articles, so I may not be as good as Chief, or the nice American version of Chief.
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