Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:AIDS "support" group leads to outrage; dead Africans

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edit UnNews:AIDS "support" group leads to outrage; dead Africans

First UnNews in a while. - UnIdiot | Talk? | Theme - 23:03, Jan 28

Mine! :P --(sir)Fag!chat|pee|fail|vote!Icons-flag-gb 18:23, 4 February 2008 (UTC)
Humour: 7.5 Definitely works well. Perhaps it needs a little more playing on words, as sometimes the article simply goes out of its way to explain the joke to the reader. Maybe it could feature someone trying to explain it in a suggestive way, or with double entendres, or perhaps with said person stumbling over their words and messing it up a little bit. It's ywr baby, so yew can do what yew like with it (as long as, of course, yew don't starve it or mistreat it :P) Anyway, otherwise, it works really well and made me laugh. I do have a little problem with the "You see, these "helpful organizations"" part. it feels way, wayy too biased, even for UnNews :P i mean, sure, AIDS is bad, actively encouraging it is even worse, but it feels like ywr being too persuasively motivated. Dedicate more of the article to the humour and it'd work fine.
Concept: 9 Great idea! O how a few punctuation marks can make such a significant difference to a sentence ;)
Prose and formatting: 8 Only a coupla problems really. First is there's a few spelling mistakes (easily correctable) second that "Sources" part needs to be cleared (i.e. "<br clear="all"/>") cos that's the weakness of so many UnNews articles :P thirdly, the article feels a little... funny with the links here and there. Kinda like an optical illusion... it's weird. yew probably need to get rid of two or three links and it would look fine. I hope that's okay.
Images: 6 The scientist is good, nice and evil :P that picture needs to be the main, bigger picture in the top left corner of the article. Then that second picture. It's not very good really, it could be fit into any article with just a slightly changed caption underneath. Yew should get a different picture, perhaps a fake-up logo or advertising campaign. That'd make it look genuine :)
Miscellaneous: 7.6 Avg'd with template:Pee. Also, the PAAv thing, I thought, was a cool little touch. ;)
Final Score: 38.1 A brilliant idea that's well-executed. It only needs a palmful of tweaks and then could be considered a brilliant article to boot :)
Reviewer: (sir)Fag!chat|pee|fail|vote!Icons-flag-gb 18:23, 4 February 2008 (UTC)


Humour: 9 Okay, second review, - Here's hoping this counts as an extra on PEEING ;) - It's definitely improved. When yew read the article it no longer feels overly coercive, which allows the reader to laugh freely rather than feeling a bit of pressure in reading it to laugh and/or totally believe every word said. Through squeezing out the article ywv allowed for a greater flow of giggles, if ywl excuse the alliteration :P. It's still vaguely persuasive, but pervades the whole feeling that ywr being dictated to. I can't really think of ways to improve the humour of this article. I'm just funny about giving 10s to humour, because humour relies so much on perspective.
Concept: 9 The same as last review :P
Prose and formatting: 9 See that? Look how much more professional that looks :). It's the right length, and that strange optical illusion effect on the links is gone (don't ask me how or why, it was just there... and weird...) anyway, yeah, it all looks and fits together well to look just as a great UnNews article should. And the "sources" thing is fixed too. I get funny about that, 'cos not formatting that can really ruin the look of an UnNews article. There's perhaps a little too much italics in the last paragraph, so maybe yew could integrate the cquote template into it? Ywd need to adapt sentences to fit it in, mind.
Images: 10 With just that little shift you've taken it from "looking a little bit funny" to "100% perfect". The guy at the top fits well and looks appositely evil. The ribbon thing was a brilliant idea, especially with the whole "alot of charities have ribbons" thing going on recently. The tiny, tiny "v" is also funny, and the really subtle, practically subliminal "against AIDS vaccines" also applies to the whole hiding the vaccines thing. What can I say? Great job!
Miscellaneous: 9.3 Avg'd again with template:Pee.
Final Score: 46.3 Those tiny little things, worth about a few seconds' work, are the only things standing in the way of VFH. ;)
Reviewer: (sir)Fag!chat|pee|fail|vote!Icons-flag-gb 14:54, 5 February 2008 (UTC)
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