Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:'Tedward' remembered by Caroline Kennedy

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edit UnNews:'Tedward' remembered by Caroline Kennedy

Mark Lourd (Inbox) 17:21, 28 August 2009 (UTC)

Gosh, nobody's reviewed this for you yet? I'll have a go. Should be here within 24 hours. WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 09:47, October 1, 2009 (UTC)
Humour: 6.5 I like to start my reviews with telling about me and whatever knowledge I may or may not have about the subject of an article. I'm still new here, but I did receive a Golden Shower Award from a Reviewer of the Month and was named Noob of the Month for September 2009. So obviously I know everything. Seriously, of course this is just my opinion. As for the topic, I'm fairly familiar with the Kennedy family, and somewhat with Caroline, and did look at her article on Wikipedia after I read this Uncyclopedia article. But I did not hear her actual speech.

I definitely liked parts of the article, and found them funny and witty. But of course I have suggestions for improvement. Otherwise, a Pee Review would be rather pointless, right?

This article, you know, has Caroline, like, saying you know a lot, you know? You know, of course, that she has been criticized, you know, for saying you know a lot. And repetition, you know, is a valid humor technique like, you know. But in this case, you know, maybe, you know, it's a bit much, you know.

As an example, when I saw the movie Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, it seemed like the pair was constantly saying "excellent." But I counted, and if I remember correctly (I probably don't) the word was used I think 23 times in 90 minutes. That means it was only used an average of about once every 4 minutes. I think you can get the idea across quite well while using much fewer "you knows."

I'm dividing my comments to match the article's paragraphs.

  • "Thanks to three bribes and a back rub...." When I first read this, I thought the bribes were going to the same person--were they? If not, you might want to either make it clearer, or change it to "Thanks to a bribe and a back rub...." which I personally like better.
  • "...my uncle...went to the other side." I think this could be a good setup for a joke, with something like "...went to the other side. No, I don't mean he became a Republican, nothing that awful. I mean he died." A nitpicky note, but it should be "senatorial run," not "Senatorial run." Yes, I know she's not using proper grammar, but the capitalization wouldn't have been specified in her speech.
  • "Anyway…my uncle, you know...." You might want to start another paragraph with "I'll talk about...something else...." Maybe this is personal, but I don't like the part about when he killed the whore. Maybe it could be something about when he dumped that whore in the river. I do like the part where the publicist says it's not a good idea to say he got away with murder. A small point, but "I now, like, know what those noises meant, you know?" mixes present and past tense. It could be "I now, like, know what those noises mean."
  • "Tedward promised he would take me to some other big ass, pot filled, sex exploiting musical festival."--to me this sentence is a little too blantant. Maybe "big ass, high flyin', sexy musical festival." A coat-hanger abortion being like "fingering my self" (which should be "fingering myself") I find a little too over the top.
  • "Tedward also helped me through, like...." I like how helping her through her pot addiction means getting her pot. The "...near-death experience, you know, like, involving two bunnies, a carrot, Tom Cruise, and, like, four pounds of pot" section got me picturing I don't know what in my mind--nice description. I think, though, it might work better with the funnier image at the end, like "four pounds of pot, Tom Cruise, two bunnies and a carrot."
  • "In 1977, Tedward, like, got me, you know, a job...." I liked the paragraph. It sounds like typical intern work, and I like how sleeping with the editors wasn't in the job description but was OK. That fits the stereotype of political interns sleeping with their interner (is that a word? And yes, I know this is technically about a writing internship).
  • "Through my, you know, writing career, Tedward always edited...." I like this section. I was reading this article thinking, "you have a woman here who's professionally published, and she can't write?" But then you answered my question with a punch line--good.
  • I like the part about Hillary wearing the pants, but no one knows what that means because she wears skirts too. And not getting the Cabinet position even when Caroline deserved it is fine.
Concept: 7 I find the concept rather limited, Caroline saying you know a lot and smoking pot and having sex. But she is a Baby Boomer, and we do know that's what all Baby Boomers did in the 1960s and 1970s. But you really don't need a high concept for an unnews article, so I think it works.
Prose and formatting: 6 I largely covered this in the humor section. I think there's some very good stuff here, but it's somewhat lost in the "you knows."
Images: 6 I think the image is all right, but the caption doesn't do much for me. Perhaps if you found an image where Tedward's at a party or at least smiling it might fit the article better. The article portrays him a partier, but the image doesn't.
Miscellaneous: 6.5 More or less an average of the above.
Final Score: 32 I think as an UnNews article, this will work fine with some edits. I'm sorry no one reviewed this before now. Hopefully some others will help catch up on the backlog, but now that many people have gone back to college it may take a while. Thanks for your work and please post a note on my talk page if you edit it.
Reviewer: WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 19:34, October 1, 2009 (UTC)
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