My first UnNews, It may be a little rough around the edges. Comments on how to improve this? --TheImprovertalk • contribs • 01:05, Apr 18 2008 (UTC)
For a first UnNews, I have to say I like this quite a bit. It can be a bit daunting trying to get the style right, but I feel you have it nailed, and I commend you on that. Now, on to the actual article. It does, as you say, feel a bit rough, as there seem to be bits (such as the ending) that don't really fit with the article - it's good all the way until then, but it trails off into just another war-basher. If you could come up with another witty headache joke to finish off with, the article would be better, as the ones you have used so far give me confidence that it would be good, and it would help the flow of the article a lot. UnNewses are such that, with a better ending, this could very easily have been an 8. One last note - I especially like the line "incomprehensible language that they keep shouting in". Good work.
It's a more original look at the war in Iraq than most, but what is its originality is also its biggest flaw - it's still an Iraq War article, which is probably the second or third most common type of UnNews on the site. Its just hard to get really worked up over this type of article now, since its been done a lot of times before. But at least you've tried, rather than writing "UnNews:War was mistake" or something along that line.
Prose and formatting:
The best part of this article right now. You really wouldn't know this was someone's first UnNews if you didn't know beforehand. Spelling and grammar are almost perfect (just Mental problems instead of Mental Problems at the start of the last paragraph), everything is formatted correctly, and everything else seems fine. Good job here.
These are average. They're OK, but they really aren't all that funny, in part because they just seem like stock images that haven't been suited for the article, and partly because the captions just try to describe the image (à la Wikipedia) rather than inserting a subtle joke there. Focus more on the captions than the images themselves here, though, as the images themselves will more than suffice as a visual description.
This is an extremely good first UnNews, and a good one overall. Just a little bit of reworking to make it very good. Well done, I appreciate reading articles like this.