Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:"Cash for Clunkers" to end Monday, American car companies overjoyed

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|Ccomment=I like the concept of automakers being upset with the program, when in reality they generally like it because they sell more cars. And I also like the idea of there not being many cheap used cars for sale. I think you can develop this more.
 
|Ccomment=I like the concept of automakers being upset with the program, when in reality they generally like it because they sell more cars. And I also like the idea of there not being many cheap used cars for sale. I think you can develop this more.
 
|Pscore=7
 
|Pscore=7
|Pcomment= Sounds like a real news article, which I think makes it funnier. But I found the <s>struck out parts broke the flow</s> of what you were writing. Maybe you use these in quotes? I noticed you switched some of your editing style from American to British. For example, ending one sentence with a quote as <i>Family Guy."</i> (American style, period before end quote) and another with <i>two hundred and fifty years".</i> (British style, end quote before period). It's minor, but it stuck out to me (sorry, too many English classes).
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|Pcomment= Sounds like a real news article, which I think makes it funnier. But I found the <s>struck out parts broke the flow</s> of what you were writing. Maybe you use these in quotes? I noticed you switched some of your editing style from American to British. For example, ending one sentence with a quote as ''Family Guy."'' (American style, period before end quote) and another with ''two hundred and fifty years".'' (British style, end quote before period). It's minor, but it stuck out to me (sorry, too many English classes).
   
   

Latest revision as of 07:27, April 27, 2011

FAQ

edit UnNews:"Cash for Clunkers" to end Monday, American car companies overjoyed

Made this on the spur of the moment. Tell me what you think. There's no I in RAPE (lol contribs) 04:37 Aug 21, 2009


I didn't even know Rob Wilde was a real person. I just took a random name (Robert) and combined it with Oscar Wilde (Robert Wilde). Weird, huh? There's no I in RAPE (lol contribs) 03:12 Aug 22, 2009

Humour: 7 First, you should know this is my first Pee Review here. I read through several submitted articles until I found one I liked. I found it funny. But there are areas I think could be funnier (you figured that or you wouldn't have asked for a review, right?) I hate racist jokes, but don't see this as racist--very good treatment here. I like the idea of American automakers being upset because people are buying more foreign cars. I would like to see this expanded, maybe hear something from manufacturers of Nissan or Toyota. Maybe you could tie in the anti-black thing with a pro-Asian thing, or some such. Just an idea. I loved mixing government program with TV program in "We lost more money on this program than FOX did on Family Guy." Only question--did Family Guy cost FOX a lot of money? Maybe it did, I don't know. If not, you might find something that really did lose FOX a lot of money. For some reason I think "depending on the make and state of their clunkers." sounds funny; don't know why, but I like it.

The Cash for Cluckers could be funny, but it seemed out of place. I didn't find the Mash for Dunkers part funny, but humor is a matter of personal taste. Maybe if you set up these jokes, led into there being related programs, it might be funnier. Also if you keep the Cluckers part (I did like the word play there), I would end the sentence on "hens and roosters." I don't think you want to keep going with the sentence after you hit the punch line--usually you want the funny words to be last. Same thing applies to "take action against President Obama by mailing their old hips from their pre-hip replacement days (period here would be funnier--I like this, so please end it on the punch line. Then rewrite an intro for a new sentence and a second joke) with a letter saying "Here's your clunkers, Negro!"

Also did you know a real Robert Wilde died recently? http://freedomeden.blogspot.com/2009/07/rob-wilde.html

Concept: 8 I like the concept of automakers being upset with the program, when in reality they generally like it because they sell more cars. And I also like the idea of there not being many cheap used cars for sale. I think you can develop this more.
Prose and formatting: 7 Sounds like a real news article, which I think makes it funnier. But I found the struck out parts broke the flow of what you were writing. Maybe you use these in quotes? I noticed you switched some of your editing style from American to British. For example, ending one sentence with a quote as Family Guy." (American style, period before end quote) and another with two hundred and fifty years". (British style, end quote before period). It's minor, but it stuck out to me (sorry, too many English classes).
Images: 8 I like the pic, and think one's all this needs. The only problem I see is Obama would have to be kneeling. I think it would work better if he was either standing, or even better, shown kneeling beside the car, like he's pleading with America. But still, I think the pics a good choice.
Miscellaneous: 7.5 (I put comments below).
Final Score: 37.5 I think, with a little work, this article could be very good. Right now I don't think it's quite there. But if you improve it as much as I think you can, I can imagine it being featured. If you rewrite it, leave me a note on my talk page, OK? And by the way, because your article is timely I tried writing this quickly, so please forgive my own typos.
Reviewer: Miley Spears 21:58, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
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