Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnBooks: That time I didn't get anally probed by aliens when I visited the south (in-depth)
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Again, this is from the 1-hour contest thingy. I'd like to try to get an in-depth review. Thanks.17:45,27July,2010
|Humour:||8.5||This article had me laughing most of the way through. I thought your humor was very on topic, easily relatable, and just the right amount of subtlety mixed in. My only critique here is that I felt like you may have left a little on the table so to speak. Towards the end of the article, we see the main character starting to doubt himself and wonder as to why he hasn’t been “chosen” by the aliens. I would have really liked to have seen the main character start to go to some extremes to make himself more “attractive” to the aliens in an attempt to be taken. Maybe something as simple as getting into an intellectual debate with the locals at the “spot” in an attempt to prove his mental superiority to the aliens, or something elaborate like disguising himself as a cow (cows are supposedly abducted all the time, right?) or getting an anal bleach and wax. Whatever the case, I think it would really benefit the article if the reader could see the main character slipping a little farther into depression and desperation over his failure to be accepted.
It would also go a long way in helping to set up that ending line of “OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE.” Don’t get me wrong, it’s very funny as it sits, but right now we have a main character who gets pissed that he’s not chosen and decides to hire a guy to do God only knows to him. I think it would be a much better set up to see the main character start to go to some extended lengths, before finally resorting to having some guy up North do whatever it is.
I really think this article stands well on it’s own the way it is now, but if you were looking for a way to build on it, that would be the only way I could see that wouldn’t completely alter what you have now.
|Concept:||8||Aliens, anal probes, and southern hicks, are not really a trail that has yet to be blazed. I think you really managed to find a unique niche in the way you spun the story though. I’ve seen a few articles that are close to this style, but they are usually chronicling the main character’s narrow escape of something terrible. By spinning it so the protagonist winds up upset at the fact something that would be considered bad didn’t happen to him, you really make your article stand out.
I would usually use this section to explain to the author how I think they could expand or improve the article. In your case, I think this article is extremely solid. The only thing I could think of that could be added was already detailed in the humor section, so I guess I’ll use this space to talk about your day. Or I could just say, Kudos, well done, and other such complimentary words.
|Prose and formatting:||7||I really, really, really, like the angle you take on writing this article. I really can’t see a topic like this being anything more than silly if written from a different perspective. It just wouldn’t work. I did notice that over the course of the article the main character’s tone seems to change. I’m not sure if this was intentional or not but I thought I would point it out. For starters, the first section kind of paints the narrator as a bit of a street tough or a little bit of a hillbilly. The phrase “George is one of those people with the paranoia” really gave me that impression because generally, refering to an illness as “The (insert illness here)” is something that is usually reserved for uneducated folks. Moving into the second paragraph, I noticed the author seemed to transform into what I considered to be your average, run of the mill, guy. When I picture a well educated person, excessive swearing does not come to mind. By the end of the article I felt the author came across as a fairly well rounded, educated individual. I know these are minor nitpicks, but given the whole premise of the article is the fact that the main character is confused as to how he is being overlooked by the aliens despite the fact that he is a “superior” specimen, I think it is important to consistantly portray the author as being of a top pedigree.|
|Images:||5||The first image tends to confuse me a little. Is that George or the main character? If it is the main character, I don’t think it should be there. If this article is supposed to be someone’s journal, why on Earth would they include a picture of themselves? I think that images definitely help this article, but I would like to see them tie more into the journal style of the article. For instance, I could easily see someone attaching a family photo to a journal page, so maybe a family style photo of George and our main character together would be more fitting. I’m not sure how your chopping skills are, but if you could manage to make them look like Poloroids, that would be the ideal look in my opinion. I also thought that a sketch of a spaceship or of an alien would fit much better than the last image. I really thought the last picture was a neat image, but again, it just doesn’t fit. How did our main character get a photo of the expirament if he was never taken?|
|Final Score:||35.6||For most articles I have seen, this level of humor would be about as far as they could go. I really feel that this article has the potential to be much more. I picture it as one of those articles that new Uncyclopedians are directed to for a prime example of how to be funny. I really hope I was able to help out with the review and that the review makes sense. After reading through some of it, I felt I didn’t really explain everything clearly. If something doesn’t make sense, just let me know on my talk page and I’ll be more than happy to try and help out.|
|Reviewer:||--—John Lydon 15:51, August 27, 2010 (UTC)|