Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnBooks:Winnie The Shit
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In depth and constructive please05:26, October 19, 2009 (UTC)
Sinister music plays. Chief approaches your article. For those of you who aren't sure, that means I'm reviewing this one. --ChiefjusticeDS 09:04, October 20, 2009 (UTC)
|Humour:||9||Absolutely brilliant, your writing is intelligent and had me laughing out loud at several points in the article. The only difficulty that I could identify for you to fix up was related to context. Take another look at the start of your article, it seemed to me that while you explain what is going on, the context still felt slightly confused, it wasn't really clear to me why everyone was doing what they were doing. Essentially, my problem was that while I knew the genreal story, I wan't sure how everything on the smaller scale fitted into it, such as: Is this suposed to be some kind of follow up to the original Winnie the Pooh? Or uis it a completely different series of events, you mention that Christopher Robin is dead, so I assume it must be, just try to make this a bit more obvious, a line in the preamble would sort that out for you. My other problem relates to formatting, but has an effect on your humour also: when characters stop speaking and another starts speaking, it should be on sepearte lines, jokes can be apparent but you have to go back and pick out the quotation marks and then reread them to actually enjoy the joke. Take a look:
Darth Vader strode into the rebel ship, his cape billowing behind him, in a his usual deep monotone he asked "Where are the death star plans?" "What death star plans?" replied a thoroughly bemused Captain Kirk.
That is harder to interpret than this:
Darth Vader strode into the rebel ship, his cape billowing behind him, in a his usual deep monotone he asked "Where are the death star plans?"
"What death star plans?" replied a thoroughly bemused Captain Kirk.
Otherwise very good work.
|Concept:||10||Superb concept and your tone and execution are very good. You have a very good grasp of the characters and the tone displays very little weakness in this regard. If I had to be nitpicky and pull a criticism out of the air it would be that characters need to stay consistent throughout, thus it should be obvious through their speech who is talking, I would recommend that you read through and investigate this closely. But I am being very harsh here and the article is easily worthy of 10 for this section, an original idea superbly executed.|
|Prose and formatting:||8||Yes, I'm being harsh, but you should anticipate this when you write at a very high standard, I start to get irritated by minor grammar errors and small formatting issues (just ask Orian). I suspect you have proofread the article already, but I would recommend that you do it again as there are a couple of small errors that I picked up as I read through, go through it again yourself, slowly and carefully and wipe them out.. all of them. As to formatting, it is absolutely fine for the most part and besides the speech change problems described under humour, your only difficulty is the UnBooks template which is almost direcly beneath one of your images. The template is not much of a problem especially as you have placed it in what appears to be the most sensible place in the article, decide for yourself what you want to do with it.|
|Images:||10||Very good, no real problems, my only suggestion is that the book cover is a little weak, and it may be worth seeing if you can get one made especiall for you, I just think that it would work better than the one you are using right now which looks slightly untidy. Perhaps I have just been spoiled through browsing through the featured images but, I still feel it could be better. The score reflects that the change is not essential.|
|Miscellaneous:||9||My overall grade of the article.|
|Final Score:||46||The article was exceptionally enjoyable to read and I felt a bit cheap pulling out problems with it. Ultimately it is a superb addittion to the wiki and thoroughly deserving of both the VFH nom and the highest score I have ever handed out in a PEE review. You know where to find me with any questions or comments, very well done.|
|Reviewer:||--ChiefjusticeDS 09:43, October 20, 2009 (UTC)|