one or two issues here. Mostly to do with the size, it’s a little too short and I think you could turn this into more of an adventure for Billy, you could ad in at least a couple more days in which Billy meets a prostitute who adopts him and they commit a major crime together which give the police real reason to go after them, leave the ending the same though but just expand the plot a little – don’t be afraid to go a little crazy either.
I think you definitely have a good, original concept even though hillbillies are an easy target they’re almost always funny.
Prose and formatting:
you have a complete lack of links please add some. No complaints really except for the lack of links and its general shortness. Your sentencing was very good and word choice and the way you got the scent right, all very good. Get someone from the poof reading service to look it over though as I’m no authority on spleling grammer and tpyos. Also I wasn’t really sure what you meant by the stone umbrella, which probably makes me retarded, could you maybe explain that a bit better or (as I suggest below) illustrate it with an image.
stings to give you this as the rest of the article I really liked. But I just didn’t find this picture very funny or particularly relevant. Try illustrating what the “stone umbrella” actually is, cos that bit kinda went over my head as I explained in the prose section. If not then a picture of the man with the shotgun shooting at the hikers would be funny too as I don’t really think the wedding photo is particularly necessary. also if you do expand – and I strongly suspect that you do – you should probably add another picture make sure that its relevant.
(Averaged score of other fields)
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