This one came out of an assignment for Drama class, just like my username. "Tell a fairy tale with a twist," the teacher says. So I forgot all about it until 10 minutes before class and then came up with this. It certainly seemed to go over well with my friends and the cast and crew of the play I was in... I figured I'd give it a shot here. Review away. –SirSkullthumper,MD(criticize•writings• SU&W) 21:08 Mar 24, 2008
I liked this, one of the funniest articles I’ve read in a while. Your tone was just right, keeping it sounding like a children’s book without actually being one.
it’s a sequel; the worst thing you can do to a good book is give it an unnecessary sequel. Well done you, The Three Little pigs was over rated anyway and in need of a proper conclusion. Seriously though it’s a brilliant idea and you executed it brilliantly.
Prose and formatting:
Very good, I liked the giant “O” and “the end” those were nice touches that gave it the feel of serious novel. Your story telling is brilliant as well! You but it had little twists and subtleties (the intercom, for example, and the leaf blower) that really added to it. Keeping your reader laughing all the way to the Ash Wednesday punch-line.
this is where you let yourself down. None of them really worked with what you’d written. The pig’s house looked dark and foreboding as apposed to innocent and red. Try getting/making a simple paint drawing, that might work or at least get a sunnier picture.
The pig didn’t look over confident at all, it looked like an abuse victim, pleading with its eyes. Again try getting a slightly more cartoony picture. If not maybe something from ‘’Babe’’ (you know that pig movie, if not Google it.) would work.
The last pic wins the prize for irrelevancy, it could easily have been a crowd outside a pub smoking. Although I think what you were trying to show is the crowd of curious bystanders, try stealing something from crime movie.
(Averaged score of other fields) there are no links and although I think they may punctuate it, they are sort of required.
you were only let down severely by the pictures if you get them sorted I’d nominate this for highlight! Good luck. Also you don’t fancy doing me now do you?
Thank you so much! The images I just kind of threw in to see what would happen. And the links... damn it, I knew I was forgetting something. I'll get to work on it straightaway. –SirSkullthumper,MD(criticize•writings• SU&W) 18:20 Mar 25, 2008