Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnBooks:The Elder Scrolls: Morrowind

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edit UnBooks:The Elder Scrolls: Morrowind

Chrialom 16:05, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

Humour: 2 OK, its a low score - but you should not be upset. My first article was (and still is) shamefully crap. But you have obviously put a lot of effort into this, and so don't give up now. And unfortunately, I didn't laugh (except at this: In order to save them, you must complete a shitload of meaningless adventures. Here I laughed, because it was vaguely satirical. I'll talk about this later.) But I will try and give you some advice on how to improve your humour. So, here we go.
  • Drugs.Masturbation. Jessica Alba. Rape in the prison cells. Gays. A Sexassin? These jokes are unfortunately, a bit crap. I've heard them before. It's very unoriginal and very basic. People can (and do) find them funny, but only when its done in a new, clever way. Read HTBFANJS. If you've already read it, read it again. I often do. The part with Liu and the woman? It kind of felt like this was your fantasy here, and I didn't find it funny. Remove it.
  • Chuck Norris jokes are not considered great on the site, though they are occasionally appropriate. I would remove him as well.
  • Satire is key. Again, HTBFANJS. The reason I laughed at the "shitload of meaningless adventures" part was because it had an element of truth in it. Lots of fantasy things like this involve meaningless quests, so it made me laugh. More along these lines, poking fun at the subject matter, rather than recreating it and adding in "and then they masturbated" would be a great improvement to the article.
  • Most importantly - I'm not perfect either. The subject matter is fairly specific, in which case, someone who knows more about it may be able to give a more objective view. I don't know anything about it, so I may very well have missed some of the finer points. In fact, I probably did. If you think that someone who knew the game well would laugh, that's fine. Not everyone will laugh at the same articles all the time, but some of the best articles do try to include something for people who don't know the subject. If that's what Jessica Alba was in there for, it didn't work for me.
Concept: 2 I'll be honest - I had no idea what "Morrowind" was before reading your article, so I did my research on Wikipedia and found out a bit about it. I then read your article. And completely didn't get it. You don't mention Morrowind, or explain anything. Is this yet to come in Chapter 2? Now, I understand this is an UnBook, so you don't have to start with an explanation, but I really didn't quite get it. What was your concept? I'm hoping it was to provide some satire into the funny little world of video gaming. But whatever it is at the moment, it needs to be stronger. Have a solid theme that continues throughout the article, like a kind of running joke. That always helps me.
Prose and formatting: 2 Generally speaking, your punctuation was decent-ish. There were a few slips, but that is nothing a thorough proofread couldn't fix. (I don't mind doing one if you would like.) So why the low score? Well, this is a fairly long article, split into only two sections. One doesn't really exist. The other is massive. So you need to split this section either into sub-sections (by using three equal signs round the title) or into other chapters. You could have 8 chapters here if you wanted. Another reason I gave you a low score is all the red links. Either go through and remove them, or change them to link to something else. For example you have "burnt into a crisp alive", which links nowhere, but you could have "burnt into a crisp alive", which links somewhere (admittedly somewhere only vaguely related).
Images: 1 Well, at least you had a picture. It was also of decent quality, not pixelated or anything! Trouble is, it is too small. You also need more than just one picture for this length article. I would have at least three more, bigger in size. But it's good to see you have thought about images.
Miscellaneous: 1 My overall grade of the article.
Final Score: 8 Now don't despair. Keep working at it.
Reviewer: Nameable mumble? 21:09, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
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