Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnBooks:The Art of Nostalgia for Babies
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
I already got this reviewed. I cleaned it up a bit, and now I'm back for more punishment.Fbi36 01:04, 6 August 2009 (UTC)
I've got this one. --ChiefjusticeDS 15:25, 6 August 2009 (UTC)
|Humour:||6||OK, I can see you have done a fair amount of work since Sid's review but there are still some difficulties for you to overcome. I like the way the author appears to become nostalgic himself throughout the article, what I think the problem is however is that the humour is almost all based on a single joke and one recurring quote. The sections all base themselves around the fact that these are babies and we are telling them how to be nostalgic. While this is reasonably amusing it isn't brilliant. What would be much better is if you brought in some new sources of humour. Remember that readers will often slaughter an article for being too engrossed in it's concept to offer decent jokes about that concept. To apply this to your article, the chapter two part with the choices, it has some perfectly valid humour, but the joke seems to be missing something. Another difficulty is that your article has some problems with coherence in the jokes. The first chapter is very confused and any jokes you do make all run into each other, the result is confusing and ultimately the jokes are less than funny. You should go through the article and try to sort this problem out, as it occurs in many other places.|
|Concept:||6||Your concept is also pretty good, however your tone is giving you problems. If you are going to write a book about how to become something then the best thing you can do to it for humour is to be patronising. If you take a look back through yours it just sticks to giving the information and doesn't seem to consider very many humourous ways to do so, the recurring joke is a bonus, but the tone could be much better. For example, rather than treating the reader as though they are an equal, why not make the article condescending and patronising. The idea with the recurring joke is a good one, and you can combine the idea of a nostalgic narrator with one that is also patronising. Take a look at some of the instructional articles in Uncyclopedia's How to section for some ideas on a good instructional tone. You should also decide on a tone to differentiate between the author and the reviewer, neither seems particularly professional and the reviewer voice suffers from some problems as it seems as though the reviewer doesn't make any conclusions besides that the book is bad. You should try to come up with two tones that make the author and the reader different.|
|Prose and formatting:||4||First thing you should do with the prose is go through it line by line. There were enough grammar errors that I didn't have to look to find them. You should proofread or send the article through UN:PS who will be more than happy to make some changes for you. Remember to look out for sentence structure and word choice if you do decide to proofread yourself. My second recommendation is that you make sure the article is consistent in it's subject matter. "If you are in a long term relationship talk to your partner before getting nostalgic. If you are a pregnant woman nostalgia may not be right for you." This is a guide for babies, so why on earth is this included in the book's intro? You should also make sure that it is easy to differentiate between the voice of the author and the voice of the reviewer; both narrative voices are in the same font and use the same tone, you should consider changing this for the sake of clarity and to avoid reader confusion.
Your formatting is OK, the images break the text nicely and only the text in chapter one needs breaking up further. There are plenty of images for the article.
|Images:||8||There are plenty of images here and most of them are OK. The only trouble spots are that some of the images could do with another look, as I'm sure there are better images out there. This is not much of a complaint and your images are OK as they are, my only recommendation would be to make a couple of them larger as they are currently like thumbnails tagged onto prose. Much less to do here.|
|Miscellaneous:||6||My overall grade of the article|
|Final Score:||30||Your article has heaps of potential and I hope you don't let a couple of very minor problems spoil what could be a superb UnBook. Be harsh with your article and keep only what you see as the best bits when you edit. If you want any more advice, help, or if you want to tell me what you thought of the review then please drop by my talk page and let me know. Good luck making any changes.|
|Reviewer:||--ChiefjusticeDS 17:35, 6 August 2009 (UTC)|