Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnBooks:Rorschach's journal

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edit UnBooks:Rorschach's journal

Rorschach demands YOU (YES, I'M REFERING TO YOU, <insert name here>) to pee on his journal before he goes retro-emo!

A. SHePerD 03:19, 10 February 2009 (UTC)

Okay, turns out I don't have the time to review this after all. I can only apologise. --SoIwastolazytolearnGermanic.jpg-kun "whisper sweet nothings into thine ear..." 18:05, 18 February 2009 (UTC)

RorschachIsSad This is indeed a tragic saddening news. Sigh. Why nobody pees on Rorschach? Why? Should I kill myself as well? Sigh. --A. SHePerD 05:07, 19 February 2009 (UTC)

Humour: 7 Funny. Conceptually, it's really good, and you make fun of selective and specific aspects of Watchmen (Veidt's Purple-wearing, Dr. Manhattan's glowing junk, Rorschach's Rorschachiness, etc.) which is something I think works really well. Perhaps, to improve, throw in another Watchmen reference or two, although don't overdo it. Maybe something about NightOwl II's beer gut, or something.
Concept: 8 Great conceptually. Adapting a rather prominent aspect of the story and transforming it into something more contemporary (having them be internet journals) is made clever. I thought the tags at the bottom of each entry were a nice touch. They probably go unnoticed by most readers, but if they weren't there the article would actually loose a bit as far as "feel" is concerned. I dunno, I'm a fan of subtle little touches like that, so props to you.
Prose and formatting: 7 Having read Watchmen, I know all about the rather stacco tone Rorschach takes, so yeah. You mimick it well, for the most part, and even manage to infuse bits of "whiny internet journal angsty teen" as well, which is hard to do. However, you drift somewhat in your tone; it doesn't always "sound" like an angsty teen Rorschach, if you know what I mean. Tighten that up a bit, and you'd have an easy 9 here (in my opinion, at least).

Another thing I think you should do is just loose the beginning, non-journal section entirely, or at least shorten-and-sweeten it. It goes against the flow of the article entirely, and the image that goes with it is just ugly and dumb.

Images: 6 Believe it or not, this needs less images. The one at the biginning is just stupid, and totally runs against the grain and tone of the article, not to mention looks sloppy. And, because of where it is in the formatting, the picture makes a great big fucking white space that interupts the article's aesthetic.

The different colored, very 80s-looking text boxes, though, are very nice. The block text and various shades of purpleish-brown make it look like a crappy 80s internet journal. Said colored boxes are different enough in color to help to differentiate between them, but not wildy varied enough to make the thing look like a rainbow, which is a good thing.

Miscellaneous: 8 An average-ish. A bit higher than you would have otherwise, for being a creative article written at the right time (a few weeks before the movie) and therefore able to make the most impact.

I also think you should "spread out" on areas of the book you cover. You focus a shitload on the beginning, and then skip to the end. The middle of Watchmen, especially in terms of what Rorschach does, is ripe for the comedic pickings, and you just dismiss it entirely. Make reference to Rorschy's prison stint, at very least.

Final Score: 36 In summation, you want this to be more "pure." Loose the stuff at the beginning that distracts from the Rorschach journaliness, and make the Rorschach journals sound more like Rorschach. One uniform idea is better than two inconguous ones.
Reviewer: --Guildensternenstein 16:54, 27 February 2009 (UTC)
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