Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnBooks:Purpose-Driven Life

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edit UnBooks:Purpose-Driven Life

I have made my first UnBooks page and it's called The Purpose-Driven Life, so I don't know much about the UnBooks. Is there any way that this page can be better?MrCleveland 18:21, February 10, 2010 (UTC)

Vmiflag ¡Hola! This valiant VMI cadet is here
to guard this article while
it is reviewed by:

-- Sf13 Upsilonsigmasigmacrest

If he hasn't reviewed it
within 24 hours since
15:17 EST 12 Feb, remove this
tag and shout at him.


Humour: 3 Well, it's never good to open up an article to review it and be greeted by an ICU tag. Well anyways, lets roll up our sleeves and get to work.

The way I review, I generally put the majority of my comments in the humor section. This allows me to keep my thoughts organized. I;ll give you my first impression after one read through, and then I'll go in section by section and go into detail after reading through more carefully.

Initial Impressions

I was immediately weary of reading this when the first thing that came up was an ICU tag. My suspicions were correct: It was very boring to read, and I had to force myself to read it all the way through for the sake of reviewing it. I'm not looking forward to going through this yet again and scrutinizing it. It will be a labor of love though... very tough love...

Section by Section

Introduction

I'm going to warn you of my bias right from the get-go, I am a Christian, but probably not of the variety you're used to since I actually try to follow my own faith before beating people over the head with the Bible. That said though, I may be a bit biased against humor critical of Christian doctrine. The asshats who give real Christians a bad name, like Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson? Well, to me they're fair game and I enjoy humor lampooning the negative aspects of the church, but I do not find humor making fun of God or Christ to be particularly funny. Just a fair warning.

"is a book that claims that anyone...and we mean anyone has a purpose in life." why would this be funny? As a libertarian Christian, I believe sincerely that all people do have worth and purpose. I'm sure that there are people who will find this funny, despite your delivery, but to me it simply isn't funny, it reads more cynically than it does satirically. What I mean is that your tone indicates that you are revolted by the concept that all people have a purpose. Just saying that that is my impression, and as you may or may not know, the impression an author makes is infinitely more important than their intent.

"has been the best-selling book next to The Bible." you are aware, of course, that the Bible is the best selling and most produced book in the history of humanity, right? Little bit ridiculous to say that the book you mentioned by rick warren is the second most published book in history, don't you think?

Your 40 days bit has a little bit of hope since 40 days and 40 nights are indeed prevalent throughout the bible. Your delivery is fraught with grammar and syntax problems though, which to me wiped out any chance for a laugh. "* Spies were transformed in 40 days while in the Promise Land.

  • David was transformed in 40 days while fighting Goliath.
  • Ezekiel was eating for 40 days with poop as fuel."

well, not sure what you mean by the two transformed bits. David did not fight Goliath over the course of 40 days and wasn't 'transformed.' I think you may be referring to where the Hebrews wandered int he desert for 40 years after rejecting God's will to take the promised land (and spies did report back to the Hebrews about it), but this whole bit just reads rather stupidly. And then we have a biblical poop joke, very mature. Poop jokes must be used carefully to be truly funny, this is not how you do it.

every section onwards

What you basically have here (and the rest of an article) is a list. with small amounts of commentary. About the actual topic of the book. your article really, truly, and honestly reads like a bad riff track made by fans of MST3000. I literally did not laugh one bit from the introduction onwards. I think you have a huge conceptual problem with the entire article, and it may not just be you, it may be the fact that this concept will never really be funny, in my opinion. I know this sounds harsh, and I really don't think it's going to get better from here on out, but you aren't a noob, you've been here much longer than I have, so you know what's expected from authors here and you know that this sort of crappy product isn't tolerated.

I really can't make any suggestions about this, I really don't see any humor in making snide comments about the title of every chapter about a book for people who want to deepen their spiritual life. I really don't see humor in doing that for any book really.

Your list is filled with toilet humor and barely any well thought out satire. for instance, "so if you work on toilets...that won't please God much." What on earth does that have to do with doing work that pleases God? How do you draw being a plumber with not pleasing God? just a dumb appeal to dumb people for a cheap laugh.

This article is filled with concepts that were once funny on the internet, but were made funny and established by other people. You don't really include much that is of your own design. You need to come up with a better angle of attack for lampooning this book, and come up with your own humor.

This is the grand sum total of the things in your article that entertained me:

  • "Chapter 14 is titled "When God Seems Distant" because that is true...he IS Distant. He lives on the edge of the universe like 10 zillion light years from here. "
  • "and God doesn't really have a family unless you're a Mormon." This one is actually clever since it isn't so obvious what the humor you're trying to create is. Most people don't know that Mormons believe Jesus and Satan are actual brothers, God is actually their physical father, and we are all literally God's children and Jesus is our physical brother. This is the sort of humor you should develop.
  • (sorry for a laugh at your own expense) "and what matters most is to be funny and not stupid unlike Encyclopedia Dramatica (Website) which is stupid and not funny!" I think you know where I'm going with that.
  • "from anyone such as Communists, Terrorists, and Jehovah's Witnesses." again, satirical humor, which I like. It's not the greatest satirical humor, but it's better than everything else in your article.
Concept: 2.5 a list of chapters for a book with snide comments about each in the UnBooks section. You realize of course that UnBooks is for people to craft their own fiction, right? What you've done is put an article supposedly about the real book, "purpose Driven Life" into the section for actually creating "un"books. This article belongs under the heading Purpose-Driven Life, not in UnBooks.

This isn't remotely original the way it is. lampooning the book in an article that takes an encyclopedic tone would be a much better approach to your desire to make fun of this book.

Prose and formatting: 3 This isn't very encyclopedic, it's simply a list. Youa lso have numerous grammar and syntax mistakes. For instance, "Chapter 4 is titled "Made to Last Fforever"" Your error would have been obvious if you had gone through and proof-read this before submitting it.

I'm just taking this one as an example as you do this more than once. "Purpose #3: You Were Created to Become Like Christ. Chapters 22-28 is about being created to become like Christ." Why even bother to have the header if your 'body' of text defines exactly what the header says?

You have numerous red-links, a particularly funny instance of this is your attempt to link to kitten huffing. There's no need to link to that page from this article, and even then it's a red-link.

Images: 0 You have no images at all, I'm forced to give you a 0. You need images for your articles or your final score on pee reviews will be 0's, it's that simple.
Miscellaneous: 1 You need to do better than this, you've written multiple articles, and it looks like you've been contacted in the past about making crappy edits. You've been around even longer than I have, you should know work of this level is deleted.

1/10 is my overall level of enjoyment from reading this.

Final Score: 9.5 In order to save this article you will need to put in a LOT of work and pretty much start over.
  • move this to the mainspace and out of UnBooks, but before creating the page, make one in your userspace.
  • get rid of the list
  • start over from scratch with a new angle to lampoon this, your humor isn't working.

personally, I would just abandon this concept if I were you.

also, remember that your score probably would have been higher if you had had some images... If you need to talk about something related to this review or article, or about anything in general, please leave a comment at my talk page

Reviewer: --Sir Skinfan13 Talk {< CUN RotM FBotM VFH ΥΣΣ Maj. SK >} 18:56 EST 12 Feb, 2010
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