Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnBooks:Master Baiter's Sportfishing and Tackle's Official Policy Regarding Workplace Harassment and Discriminatory Practices by the Employee Base for New Employees

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edit UnBooks:Master Baiter's Sportfishing and Tackle's Official Policy Regarding Workplace Harassment and Discriminatory Practices by the Employee Base for New Employees

Yep. Let me know what you think. --Hotadmin4u69 [TALK] 00:12 Oct 20 2009

I'll review this. But I will be completely pissed if you don't sexually harrass me! WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 00:17, October 21, 2009 (UTC)
Humour: 7.5 Who is this noob? I like to start my reviews by talking about myself just because I like talking about myself. Seriously, I think it helps the reviewee to get an idea where the reviewer is coming from. I worked in a place where men and women freely used profanity with each other, made jokes with each other about genitalia and having sex with each other and even helping each other on the toilet. I've also worked in a place where the men were advised to not make any comment whatsoever about a woman's appearance--"If you say you like her dress, she might think you're referring to the shape of her bosom and you could get sued for sexual harassment."

I typically put Prose and Formatting in with Humour because otherwise I end up repeating myself unnecessarily, but do score them separately.

Title

The title is really long--I'm guessing you knew that. I can't figure out if I think it's too long for me or funny that way, so I'm no help there. Also I heard about Master Baiter before I knew what "beat your meat" meant, but I still find it funny.
"Thank you for reading...." I was smiling reading through this first paragraph, will an anticipation of what will come next?--good.
"What is workplace...."--I didn't find this particularly funny, but it gives me an idea of what's coming.

Sexual harassment

"The most important...."--this probably just shows my ignorance, but I didn't get the "scorch the earth" part. I love the science project nipples.
"We understand that Jen the stocker...."--here the tone suddenly shifts from telling what sexual harassment is and how to avoid it to talking about someone's tits and paying them less. This lost me for a sec--you might want a transition at the beginning of this. I do like the tit tax. "Gay male employees will be charged the respective tit tax...."--I'm glad your company's fair.

Verbal abuse

"Verbal abuse will..." On "yelling and threats...." I'd like a specific example or two.

Racial discrimination

"Our company supports...." I like your percentage.
"...regardless of smell or your ignorant...."--while this is technically right, it threw me--"of smell" refers to the harassed; "your ignorant" refers to the potential harasser. I had to read this part three times to get what you meant. "...ebonics"--capitalize.

Tire slashing

"Somebody slashed my car tires the other day...."--so far, you've had a company brochure; now you're getting personal. I would like it better if you kept it company. Frankly, I didn't care for the wording or treatment of this section, and didn't find it funny. But I did like "...because the lure we sold you was actually a ceramic corndog."--also this is the first reference I noticed other than the title that we're dealing with a bait and tackle shop. I'd like to see more references about their products--it would make this brochure more specific, and you could probably get some good jokes out of it.

What to do

"If you feel you are ever harassed or discriminated against (COMMA) there...."--the reason I'm making such a big deal about the missing comma is because I've seen fewer errors in this piece than anything I've reviewed here so far. Also now we're back to the company brochure; good.
"You may inform the boss of the incident and something will probably happen or something."--if there's one boss, OK; if not, "your boss," but I think I'd like "your boss" better in any case. The "probably happen or something" seems a little too non-brochurey to me--maybe something like "something may be done about your case." "If action is not taken, you are...."--like this part.

Example box thingy

In general, I like the example box thingy.
I like Rita's ass.
"Your boss says he will...." needs a what not to say/do, and I don't know what "Report your boss your boss" means.
I generally hate jokes about "niggers," but think this works.
"An employee says she likes...." I like agreeing suddenly being the wrong answer, but would like "Oogle her goodies" better if it came after "Report her to your boss" because the goodies part I find funny--end a section with a punch line.
"A Filipino..."--I'd switch "Eat a Twix" with "Yell in broken English to her." This is simply because I didn't get what "Eat a Twix" meant--but if it immediately follows avoidance tactics, I could think of it as one of those.
"Somebody slashed your tires"--I find the police bit mildly amusing, but don't find the rest of it funny.

Conclusion

I like this, but of course it refers to the tire-slashing bits I didn't care for. Also I'd list each factor, not just sexual harassment. Maybe if you could make the whole thing brochure-sounding, then ZING at the end with the personal "Piss."

I think I'd like the order changed in the top sectons to Racial discrimination, Verbal abuse and then Sexual harassment.

Citations

The problem I find with citations, notes, etc. is that some people (me) don't like clicking to see a citation, as they can lose their place in the article. Many people (me) will wait until they've read the whole article and then look at citations. I think it's helpful if the citations are self-evidence; i.e., instead of "To their face," something like "Graphic descriptions of a person's sexual parts are never acceptable in the workplace--unless they can't hear you."

I would have rated Humor as 8, maybe higher, without the tire slashing part (or if it was rewritten to fit the tone of the rest of the brochure).

Concept: 8 This would be an 8.5 or maybe even a 9 if you incorporated this being a tackle shop more. If your concept is for such a shop, I'd incorporate more references.
Prose and formatting: 8 Same score comment as on Concept. I believe Formatting is something that generally shouldn't be noticed as obvious formatting usually distracts from the article. I think formatting's fan.
Images: 7.5 I'm grading these separately. The guy and the girl is a 9 just because it looks kind-of-sort-of naughty yet innocent even though he's touching her breast. Her right breast. Her young, perky, firm...OK I'll shut up about that. The tire slashing photo I think is OK (a 6), but I couldn't tell that's a circular saw in it.
Miscellaneous: 7.75 Average of above. I think this is a very good article minus the tire slashing part (unless it's rewritten) and with "Jen the stocker" rewritten so it fits the tone of what comes before (or at least has a nice transition).
Final Score: 38.75 Please let me know on my talk page if you edit this. Notice my score before any future edits is just below a feature level score? Hint hint?
Reviewer: WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 01:39, October 21, 2009 (UTC)
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