Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnBooks:I'm born, now what?

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edit UnBooks:I'm born, now what?

Lolen. --Sir General Minister G5 FIYC UPotM [Y] #21 F@H KUN 17:50, 8 July 2008 (UTC)

UnBooks:I'm born, now what?
is being reviewed by
CajekHi!
Your Source for Fine Scented Pee
And Whatever Else Comes Out Of Him
Loluz. --  Le Cejak <4:54, 09 Jul 2008>
Humour: 6.7 Section by section
  1. Intro -6- It's a short introduction. And what does autism have to do with it? kinda confusing.
  2. I just saw light! -7- Yeah, I like it, but there are so many grammar problems that need to be cleaned up. You need to go over it and proofread. Other than that, it's pretty good. A mother holding her baby by her feet was... pretty funny, actually.
  3. I'm going to ride in beep beep! -8- That picture was good, and the description of what it's like to be a baby is nice. However, again, you need to proofread this!
  4. I'm home! -7- I like the "blob" metaphor you have going. In the second paragraph of this section, you have lots more proofreading problems, but that thing about "racing illegally" overshadowed it.
  5. Setting a personality -6- Well, it's kind of a funny list, but it's very rough right now. You need to expand on what you're saying and for God's sakes proofread this personality stuff. One little thing, when you introduce a character, don't use the shortened title "Mr." or "Mrs." Use their full name.
  6. I'm a neonate no more! -6- Weak ending, but I'm not sure what could strengthen it. Maybe compare babies to adults? The similarities could be interesting. What strategies could I use from infancy into adulthood?
Concept: 8 Even if the writing isn't the best, the concept is above average. Very straightforward, which is nice. Observational humor ROX! More connection with adulthood would be nice, though.
Prose and formatting: 5 This seriously needs to be gone over with a grammar comb. And a spelling comb.
Images: 8 Images are always hard to score. I say, as long as they add to what's being said, it works. The baby giving the finger is overused, though: I would replace it, maybe.
Miscellaneous: 6.9 avg
Final Score: 34.6 Looks good. I definitely thought it was clever, but it REALLY needs to be proofread. Grammar mistakes in your article are why your score isn't as high as it should be.
Reviewer:   Le Cejak <5:15, 09 Jul 2008>
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