Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnBooks:Elvis Presley:The UnAutobiography

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edit UnBooks:Elvis Presley: The UnAutobiography

Mrman45 16:27, 28 June 2008 (UTC)

  • Sycamore is reviewing your article, for now, enjoy Noel with ths coupon.--Sycamore (Talk) 08:40, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
Fielding
A Free Coupon
For a bumming session with Noel Fielding
Humour: 5 Pretty weak, I felt that the poor formatting was an issue as it make the whole thing read a lot wore that it does. The humour factor here is pretty flat, not only do you avoid the decent of Elvis (Pretty Much) which would be very funny, but you stick to a pretty boring repertoire of stuff here. For example the reference to poor gags about the live shows pale in comparison to the feed food constipated Elvis which would be hysterical. There’s also a real lack of empathy of the topic here, you could go into the censorship of his gyrating dancing or something. There’s just not enough humour facto being employed throughout. I like the intro form Ronald McDonald. I like the idea of the American Dream being somehow woven in here. You could add so much more about a guy who is characteristically so degenerate, and so imitated, there’s just so much that could be filled out and isn’t.
Concept: 6.5 There could be some interesting avenues creating as caricature of Elvis here v- however the whole this is quite messy which probably does not help you really get any of the jokes across. Personally I would concentrate on the music and parody perhaps his view of his music or the people that do impressions of him, of course since Elvis is still alive you could have hysterical commentary on the present day view of Elvis by him. Similarly you could have him faking his own death in a lavatory, which could be also hysterical. I'm not saying be stupid I’m just saying that there's really no humour factor here - and the concept of the piece is affected by the f\act that this seems not to have been part of the execution
Prose and formatting: 4 Very badly written no paragraphs, bold text inappropriately, poor alignment of images (too many as well), there’s also to much "I", "I'm" - it give a bad pace to the article, I would maybe fill out fuller funnier paragraphs that the man himself begins. Similarly there are no other characters apart from Elvis that seem to come forward; I would change this.
Images: 4 Align Right and make the 250 px, probably you'll need to loose a few but that’s no big deal. None of them are overly funny and I would consider getting new images (roughly 2/3) that add to the prose and connect more fully with the article - they just don't fit and they look really bad as they are. Remember formatting is a key element, particularly images; this is not just for VFH but for a decent article.
Miscellaneous: 5.5 Not great I’m afraid; I think it could do with a lot more work. I would suggest looking at this:Uncyclopedia:Best of and reading this:HTBFANJS. You’ll get some ideas and tips to make this one a winner.
Final Score: 25 I hope I have been of some help here, should you need anything just leave a note on my talk page;)
Reviewer: --Sycamore (Talk) 11:49, 2 July 2008 (UTC)

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