This is a greatly modified, revised, and improved piece I first wrote for school quite some time ago. It's been changed enough to be considered "original," though. It's a lot more subtle than a lot of my other stuff, so yeah. Review away. —UnführerGuildyRittervonGuildensternenstein 04:23, 30 May 2009 (UTC)
Okay, I haven't read the Dubliners, I haven't played Call of Duty 4 (although I know kind of what it is), and I know James Joyce is dense and symbolic, so this should be... interesting. Le Cejak•<17:05 Jun 08, 2009>
avg of every "paragraph" or so. 7=average:
Intro paragraph: (6/10) You're setting us up for... whatever's coming next. The only thing I could grade on was where the links led to. Linking "extra-curricular activities" to "bullshit" was not very original. Well written, but nothing interesting. I know I shouldn't fault you for having at least one paragraph that's "straight," but it's just not very interesting. I could see this on VFH and someone voting against because they fell asleep during the first paragraph :)
second paragraph: (5/10) Boy, you lost me. But hey, your article's been on the cue for more than a week now, so why are you complaining? Lots of math going on. Lots of numbers. Numbers, roundings, averages... it's all too much. You see, I went to public school, and we not learn good.
"As his day was basically free" to "took the game too seriously.": (7/10) Well, the story is interesting and well-written, but I don't play CoD, so I'm still in the dark. Uh, and it's probably not a good idea to call people faggots in a derogatory way. That's gay, dude. Plus offensive.
"The game found a match" to "German-sounding names in this vein": (5/10) A few problems: Really, don't put your own username in the article, people hate that. Also, I don't know why I said this earlier, but I don't know what that ratio thing is about. Also also, the part that was mildly amusing was that guildenstern-hamlet reference. I don't play video games nearly as much as you do, Guildy, but you use a lot of esoteric terminology that I just don't understand. Maybe get someone who has played this game to review it? Ah, they'll probably get it but still think it's not hilarious.
"Ed dispatched..." to "...going to another concert soon, said Ryan.": (5/10) Airstrikes, pwned, boom headshot... what's going on? If I wanted to hear two teenagers talk about their lives I would, uh, watch icarly or disney channel or something. I go on Uncyc to escape teenagers! They're all around me! DAMN TEENAGERS!
"Sweet!" to "...the match when the game was won.": (8/10) subtle meta-humor rocks. Keep going in this vein. What's good about your writing style, and what's going to make you famous here, is letting the reader in on what you're doing without slapping them in the face with it. Oh, I thought, So this is in the style of James Joyce! I'm not going to change my earlier scores, though.
"Ryan?" to the end: (7/10) Hmm... okay, you're making fun of James Joyce, and that's cool... but it's not funny. I guess you're getting a lot of 7's here.
At the same time, this is complicated and simple. Your metahumor hums in the background while teenagers... talk about... things? I enjoy that little subtle humor you have going, and apparently, I'm guessing, this is the style of James Joyce. Is there some kind of deep symbolism I'm missing?
Prose and formatting:
no errors. Perfect spelling/grammar. Not Shakespeare (-1), but... not Joyce either (-2), I assume.
suitable images, but not funny. I don't know how you would fix this...
I liked reading it, but how to make it hilarious? I don't know if that's possible. Metahumor is really hard. I'm reminded of the story of But seriously... and Serious. Metahumor in one and "HEY! LOOK AT ME!" humor in the other. Here's what you should do: Get even more in our face about how this story is Joycean. I don't know how, but keep bringing up the Joyce thing. That's really all I got...? Helpful, I hope! Keep on keepin' on, Guildy, and good luck with Akira Kurosawa.